Life Has It's Ups And Downs

Long Time No Write

2009-02-17T08:28:00.003-05:00

Well hello guys! It's been a hell of a long ass time since I have written in here, I am so sorry! Things havebeen hectic here since my last post that I deleted from Joe and that other chick, which I forgot to tell you all that most of it was me pretending to be Joe just to get info from her. It seems to be thst she had or has a crush on Joe from hen they met last summer for an hour and well whatever.. my beliefs are different but oh well, what can ya do right!

Anyhow, this past weekend I threw my Dad a 60th b-day party. Hisw b-day was Jan 15th but the party was Feb 15th. It was quite a surprise for him to see 60 little chickens across the lawn and a 6 foot chicken saying Jom is no spring chicken with 60 under it. It was cool. I had a house full of family memebers and it was a blast. I even got to see a cousin I haven't seen since my Aunt died, it was cool.

My parents inlaw suite that we had planned was turned down by the township (no surprise there) so now my parents are going to take my mother in laws inlaw suite and we are goimg to build up and out (township can't say notjing than) and Dottie will go up with a deck off her livimngroom with stairs that will go outside to the backyard. She will also have a door to our part of the bedroom incase of an emergency. The electrician and plumber were both here on Sat morning to look at where the rooms will be and what they have to do for this. My laundry room is being taken away so they can make my parent batjhroom bigger for my Dad so they are building another room for me for the laundry room with 2 washers and 2 dryers, LOL. Can you imagine how big my house is going to be when all the parents are gone... what in the hell are we going to do with a house that big?
LOL. So now we are waiting on the loan to go through and we are on our way to having our privacy back with no parents in the way and everyone will be happy and content witht heir own life styles. It's not easy living with parents but i had to do this for my Dad, he is getting weak, falls alot and I need to know he is ok and he is ok here with us.

Alyssa had her Valentine's Day dance on Friday, she looked like she was 15 or so, not 12. When she tried the dress on all I wanted to do was cry. My little girl is growing up so fast right under my feet. Where did the years go?!?! She looked gorgeous ofcourse. Alyssa's friend's Mother did her hair for them. I seriously am locking her ass up when she is 14, LOL. The bars will be put on the windows and her outtings will be ith me and her dad, LOL.

Kids got thier report cards and ofcourse they both did very well. Joey even more so. His grades were Great!! He pulled up ALL his grades and Alyssa, well she always does well =) In that respect, I am so glad my kids don't take after me, I hated school so my f=grades were god aweful. My kids get their smarts from their Dad, lol or they know that Mommy will ground their asses forever id they get bad grades. They get incentives too so that helps, they have something to look forward to at the end of the marking period.

Jonny my lil man is doing very well as well. His language is coming along wonderfully. He is speakimg so many words now, not much of sentences but alot of words and with that, the communicqation is better now. I am so excited! It took me praying all these years for my lil one to call me Mommy and Joe Daddy and now he says it as soon as he see's us, it's wonderful!

Children's Hospital called me about the Autism research and how Jonny qualifies because of his severity of it. W ewere discussing different medications, blood work and etc... I was ok with everything until they said M.R.I. Ummm are u kidding me? Normal people need to be sedated for it because they have that disorder of closterphobia andu want my son to do this? I don't think so. He don't even sit on the little bed at the Dr's office, you think he is going to go in an M.R.I. for a 1/2 hour without moving? I think they are NUTS! So that didn't go well. They are going to keep his name in the file and when something comes up with no need for an M.R.I. they will call me.

Joe fianlly started work like 3 weeks ago, he loves it. How cqn you not. He drives a bus for 3 hours in the am and 3 and 1/2 in the afternoon and get paids more than most people I know working their asses off in construction and the benefits are GREAT! It's Union... Not sure if that is a good thing or not!

It's tax time. Since Joe only worked for 5 months we should get alot back, more like most of it back, he should qualify for the unearned income credit.... We have alot to do in this house, starting with my bathroom and than the kitchen.

Kids had off yesterday and today.. they have off more than they are in school it seems, pisses me off than they complain caquse the kids are he=behind.. well I can't imagine why!!

Ok... I will be back later to read all you guys... I am sorry it's been awhile.. I was in a depressed state for awhile but I am ok now.

Love to you all =)

Life in Theresa's world

2009-01-23T10:48:00.002-05:00

Well to start off, mycousin made it home a few days before his baby arrived. My cousin was in Iraq and they let him come home for 2 weeks. They induced labor and wound up doing a C-section anyway. But atleast he was there to be with his wife and see his baby girl be born =) He goes back to Iraq next week I think =(

There is not much going on here lately, surprised huh?!?! Joe goes Monday for his last drive around on the bus and he takes his test Tuesday. After he passes, which I know he will, he starts immediatly which is good for us. Ever since he lost his job we been struggling for this and that. So I am excited about his job and he is too actually!

Obama stated that we are going to get the BIGGEST stimulous check ever. I wonder how much it is going to be because if it is enough I want to make a vscation with just Joe and I, Ithink we need and we deserve it. In the summer we are taking the kids to Bush Gardens (I just hope Jonny takes it well). So yea, we are already planning ahead. If the stimulous check is crap than it will go towards my candle business whichi s going great anyway but I always need something ya know!

I colored my hair as u all seen, I am coloring it again to give it more of a deeper purple look and than I will add soem low loghts to it to bring out the purple. I love purple, LOL. Yea, I think I am going through a mid life crisis or something because now I want my cartledge done on both ears and my nose pierced, LOL I don;t know if I will actually go through with it bnut IF I do I will make sure to post pics.

I have made my own tattoo that I want. It is a charm braclet wth the autism ribbons all around my wrist. Hard to explain it but I will show pics when I do it =) Won't be anytime soon but when it does ofcourse I will show it off, LOL

Before my surgery I was alomo0st 115 lbs and I looked good, even my boobs were great, LOL. After the surgery I lost it all and now I am back to 104 and me gaining weight is really hard, I have to eat all day and night just to gain the weightback and I am just now gaining my appetite for foods.

We've had a few snow showers here but nothing to brag about, not enough to go sledding or anything, just enough to cover the grass and that is it. I want snow but I want it on the weekends so this way the kids dont miss school, lol. I hate when they have a 2 hr delay or they are off due to the weather.

Jonny has been REAT. He is saying words more and more everyday. I go up to him and he tells me I love you. OMG it makes me wanna cry and he calls me MOMMY now and Jie Daddy. It is the sweetest thing ever. I prayed and prayed for that to come when our son would call us Mommy and Daddy! Well it is here and I LOVE IT!! As soon as he see's me he says Mommy! It just gives me the chills thinkimng of it.

My Phycho Dr changed my meds yet again. Now I take 1mg of Klonopin 4 times a day, Remron of 30 mg, Seraquil of 300 mg and the wellbutrin. I was speaking to some lady in the nail shop who was telling us her whole life story and telling us thatshe was on Klonopin and seraquil and her new Dr took her off them saying i can cause a heart attack and they are very addiciting. Well addicitng in my case is NO WAY because i forget alot of times to take them and nothing happens to me. I don't know. Wha medicine is really good for you anyay?!?!?!?

Ok that is it for now.

Tammy if you are readingthis, I cannot comment on your pafe, I dont know what u did but i cannot comment on your posts, LOL

Love to you all

XOXO

New President, New Hair

2009-01-20T13:52:00.003-05:00

Ok so Obama is officially our President now. His speech really got to me, it was very impressive I think. Time to dust off!! I took 288 pictures from my tv and I will post them on Myspace in a special folder just for Obama and feel free Beidgete to steal some, LOL.

I decided since it is winter to do something different with my hair. I colored it today but now I need some low lights in it, I will do that tomorrow. I hate winter so I need something different, why not the hair right?!?!

Whatcha think? Too dark? Not for me? It is quite different, I am still not sure if I like it or not but maybe it will be better when I add some low lights!

How are you all doing? Hope all is well. I will be back later to write =)

American Idol Recap

2009-01-15T19:43:00.003-05:00

So American Idol this year seems to have a lot of weirdo's running AZ lately. I think this year is going to be very interesting to say the least, especially when they allow a girl to come in and audition in her freaking bikini. Don't get me wrong, she was hot with a nice ass body but that is just the wrong idea and for AI to allow that was kinda freaky.

I was very stoked to see jason Castro though. He was one guy I picked from the gitgo and David Cook so to see him again was like heaven. Here are some photos I took of them off my TV, LOL... Yea I am weird I know.

His brother made it through somehow. I think he was OK... not 1/2 as good as Jason so I knowhe will be booted when the top 24 comes. This year is going to be interesting to say the least. I can't ait to see the inerviews next week, maybe they will have a guy in his briefs, WOOT!

What's Been Happening Here

2009-01-12T19:51:00.002-05:00

There really hasn't been that much going on here besides the normal everyday things. Joe and I have been getting along so well, since New Year's. I made it a point in my life that life is too short to get mad and fight over things that should not be. I also made it a point that JOE is the ruler of the house and what he says goes (with Alyssa).

I went for my post-op visit. My incisions he says look great (uhhggg). I asked about the pains on my left side and he said that was normal since the one incision is there and he lazered under the rib cage. My Dr I am one of the worst he had ever seen with the scar tissue and adhesion's he had ever seen, especially on the bowels. I don't have any pains anymore, just sore from the surgery still. He says it takes like 6-8 weeks to feel 100% better. He told me not to lift anything that weighs more than a gallon of milk, no vacuuming, pushing or pulling anything for the next 3 weeks.... OH and no sexual intercourse! I laughed and said Joe is going to hate you for this one. My Dr even wrote Joe a note telling him all of this. Oh well, there are things we can do =)

I have decided that now that Alyssa is 12, has a cell phone, she needs to work off for her cell bill which is $40 a month. She has her room she does everyday which she always did anyway but I added vacuuming and help after dinner everyday. Joey thought it was not fair that he has nothing so he said he wanted to swifter the kitchen floor everyday, LOL. I thought that was funny so I said I would give him $5 a week for the floor, LOL

My cousin who is home from Iraq for 2 weeks is ready to have a baby in 3 days. I am so glad he is able to be home to see the little girl arrive, especially his first baby. Him and his wife tried 4 times before this and she lost them in the first trimester so this is a HUGE ordeal in the family and I am so happy for them!

I want to make plans to go see my cousin Tammy ho lives like 6 hrs away, Upstate New York but they get snow so I think it is going to be a Spring visit.

I have 2 candle parties now. Sometime in Feb they both are so I am stoked about that.

I am having a surprise B-day party for my Dad Feb 15th. Funny thing is, his b-day is Jan 15th so he will have no clue and would have forgotten about his b-day a month later. I am excited about this event. He is the big 60. Damn I cannot believe my Daddy is going to be 60 in a few days!

I have pics of my bowels that the Dr took, before and after, I am just having some issues with the scanner so when I get it going I will post it so you can see how bad it was. Bridgete would probably see it better than anyone else since she is a nurse.

Ok that is enough for me for now. Hope u are well and thanks for the link Brit, I was wondering where u went!

Love to you all

"The Unborn"

2009-01-09T18:00:00.004-05:00

Ok so this is going to surprise you all but Joe and I went to the movies today to see the movie "The Unborn". It started today so we thought we woud go while the kids were in school and no long lines for opening night =) ( My Dr from my surgery bought us movie tickets because he felt bad for me having such a bad surgery that he thought would be in and out same day). So off we went to the movies at 10:30 this morning. The movie was good but during the movie the whole time it was a queston of why why why. At the end of the movie it was brought to your attention of why and it all made sense. It was pretty descent except for the guy on the stairs, I could not look and when I did see it, I went "OH MY GOD", the people near us was laughing as I was ready to cry, LOL. it was good and when it comes out on DVD I will be there to buy it!!

Here is another shocker for you! Please don't pass out on me ok!

After the m0vie was over, it was alittle after 12:00 and we went to LUNCH!! Oh yes we did!! Not just to a rinky dink place, it was a new Italian Restaurant and Joe said let's try there. So off we went to lunch. I got chicken parm with some pasta that looked like lasgna but it was all cheese, looked like goat cheese but here it was FRESH mozaeralla cheese, Ummmm ewwwww! I ate the chicken though. it was a nice day out wth just us 2 togeher, we tlked during the car drive to the movies and to lunch and back home and did';t argue over anything!

Us 2 young kids had a good day =)

Thanks to Dr. Turner for buying us tickets, we really needede Joe and Theresa time with noone interfering on us!

So if you go to the movies to go see it, let me know what you think, I thought it was pretty good, not great but pretty good!

Some Things About Me

2009-01-05T18:45:00.002-05:00

Ok so here goes some things about me you may or may not kn0w but to get to know me better I thought I would do an about me, some history of Theresa.

I was born July 5th 1974.. a few minutes earlier I could have been a fire cracker baby!

I grew with a Father in a wheel chair (shot in Vietnam and paralyzed him from the chest down) so to me having a Dad in a wheel chair was normal.

I was a dancer from 5-9 I think, took tap and ballet. I just liked the sounds of the tap shoes, hehe.

I was a big huge roller skating freak. I could everything u could imagine on skates, if u get me on them now, I'd break my butt bones, lol.

Growing up every weekend we as kids looked forward to the sumer, we went to my Aunt's lake house (a trailer) and went swimming and tubing and had a blast. The adults got drunk, fought and the kids were cooking marshmallows by the fire at night.

I am still friends with my best friend from 3rd grade, Vernae. We were separated for 3 years because we had different middle schools but were reunited the first day of school in 10th grade in Biology class.

I hate the color PINK, I despise it.

My favorite color is black and dark purple.

I get my nails done every 2 weeks, never will you see me with a light color on my nails.

I HATE shoes

I hate shopping except for food shopping, I just hate to put the order away

I spoil my kids to death

I met my husband in 7th grade, thought he was a dork and than dated him later in 7th grade, on and off dated until our senior year it was serious.

I got pregnant my senior year but lost the baby 3 days after I found out I was pregnant and had the miscarriage in work, that was not pretty!

I got married in my in law's back yard in 1994, a year after graduation

Trying to get pregnant was a nightmare, shots, procedures and etc... finally had one in 1996

Same with second pregnancy, shots, meds and all... He was born 1999

Joe and split up for about a month, we got back together (2000) and BAM!!!! I was pregnant with no assistance from the Dr. Jon was born in 2001

My brother died 2003, D.U.I. crashed and after so many damn surgeries on his lungs and chest tubes we let him go 12/12/03 I miss him so much. He was only 21

I can't stand my mother's side of the family. They are all fakes and they piss me off with their born again christian shit.

I hardly talk to anyone on my Dad's side. I speak with 4 cousn's and my Dad's one brother and his wife. My Dad had an argument with his brother and since than, they haven't spoken to each other and it is stupid =( It is so sad.

my Dad's sister just died last year, didn't mean that much to me, the woman was a huge drinker and knew what can happen, besides she was a trouble maker in the family with another woman whom I will not mention. I can't.... she is my... nm

I love chocolate! Chocolate candy, ice ream, u name it, I love it. My fav is choc covered cherries!

I have been dealing with endometriosis since I was 14, had so many surgeries for it, I lost track of them now.

I am a HUGE Daddy's girl. Always will be!

I have an attitude and have a tendency to say things that maybe I should not say or should just keep to myself because it gets me into trouble and people I think I can count i can't. It sucks!

I love horror movies

I am not a reader but James Patterson has some really good books and I am getting ready to read Twlight

I love black licorice

I have 5 tattoo's, 3 of them have meaning behind them, the other 2 I just wanted

I love football. My team is Dallas, even if they did crappy this year!

I play online video game called World Of War Craft, that is my sanity when the kids go to bed

I love my online friends, they lift me up hen I am down and they help me out when I am in need!

My youngest son has Autism so my life is living in the Autism world

I worry about my kids and what they will be when they grow up, I want them to succeed and not be like me, a nothing

My eyes are hazel but if I wear a certain eyeliner they change to a deep green

I have one brother alive now and he lives up where my parents did live, he was heavily into the drugs and now is clean, I am proud of him.

I have 2 cousin's serving in Iraq and it scares the hell outta me everyday they are here and my cousin Chris just left last week.

I hope Obama can change this society, every damn president we have they say that and it makes it worst but noone as bad as Bush!

I suck at typing. I look at the screen 1/2 the time but I am a typo queen and I am sure you can figure out hat the typo is, LOL

My father in law died, it will be 2 year next m0nth and his birthday just passed so that was hard, i miss him alot!

My mother i law is disabled from a surgery she had, they hit er spinal cord and paralyzed her right side, she cannot move her right leg so it drags when she walks, it sucks.

I take medications to calm me down everyday, if not I am a BITCH and a 1/2. I take Seraquil, Remron, Klonopin and generic form of Zyban. Klonopin is twice a day!

My husband suffers from panic disorder. he has to be on medications or he feels like he is dying.

Right now my life sucks

I had surgery almost 3 weeks ago and my left side is still hurting bad and I can only sit a certain way or it kills me

I love to take baths

I love to listen to music when I am cleaning

I am a clean freak. My floors are cleaned everyday, vacuumed everyday, windexing everyday, dusting and bathroom is tidy everyday.

I hate hamburger, exept for in spaghetti

I love to mess with coloring my hair, id id the black thing but I am too plare for that color.

I am a MUT. I have Irish, german, dutch, Indian and some italian in me

I love crunchy cereal, once ir starts to get soggy I wont touch it

I hate milk but in cereal and my coffee.

I LOVE coffee and I drink way too much of it

I have 3 kids that I adore and without them I don't know what I would do

and well I am sure there is more and when I think of it i will have a part 2, lol

I'm Letting My Daughter Grow Up Too Fast!

2009-01-02T20:30:00.002-05:00

For Alyssa's LATE Christmas gifts was to get her ear pierced (cartilage..sp?) and a cell phone. Well Joe threw the BIGGEST fit ever when he was told she wanted her cartilage done. She is too young for that Theresa.. WTF.. Why would u let her even get that done. So instead, she got her 2nd holes done. To me, what the hell is the difference, all the kids her age have it done and I took her BFF to get her ear pierced done and she (Stephanie) got the cartilage done, was allowed by her Mother I made sure. Maybe it is just me but I see no big deal in it. Bad mother or just bad thoughts? Today's society is different than when we were kids and he compared this to him. He said he was not allowed to get his ear pierced til he was 18. I said first of all, your parents were old school like the rest of us and your a boy, LMAO. There is no comparison here. So anyway, she got her 2nd holes done with her birthstone (Sept). It looks cute cause she has medium size hoops in the first holes and little birthstones in the 2nd ones.

The cell phone. Why does she need a cell phone? Umm because she goes out and there is no excuse now that she had no way to get a hold of us because all the cell phones were dead or any other excuse she can come up with. It's $40 a month with unlimited text and unlimited minutes. I don't think that is bad.

I am allowing our 12 year old to grow up too fast and allowing her to be 16 and not 12. I am sorry, all the kids have phones and all the kids have piercings on their cartilage. Ok, so we are not everyone but I SPOIL my kids to the extreme and that is bad... Ok I know it is.

I suck! Alyssa wanted me to get my cartilage done and I said hell no......that shit hurts, LMAO. Now Stephanie didn't even flinch when she got hers done and said it didn't hurt at all. Hmmm. If anything... IF I had a nice body with a flat belly with no stretch marks and scars I would get a belly ring but that is way outta here now, LOL

I felt bad that Stephanie was allowed to get it done but Alyssa couldn't but she is happy with the 2nd holes and it looks nice! Maybe I am letting her grow up too fast.

Come To Think Of It

2009-01-02T09:12:00.002-05:00

I am thinking this year will be better than "08" was. My parents get their inlaw suite built on my other side of the house, my bathroom is DFINALLY going to get done and my carpets will be put in and than onto the kitchen. Joe gets his CDL soon, he is almost done with that so he will be working which will make things better for all of us. I have my Mother in law on one sode of the house with her inlaw suite and my parents on the other side of the house. I am happy about that, I hated the long s drive to the pocono's to visit my parents. I actually hate the pocono's so it is better they are here. I am also glad they are here with me because of Dad getting older with his disability he falls alot and there is always someone here to help him up again. The thought of him being 2 and 1/2 hours away and falling always scared me so they are here with us which is good!

So yea, there is alot going on for 2009. I am going to TRY and make things better for us with my mood swings which I am hoping will be better since I had the surgery and I won't be in pain 24/7 and can actually have good intimate times now =) That was alot of perssure on our relationship ya know.

2009, here we come!

Here's To A New Year!

2009-01-02T08:21:00.002-05:00

Well here we are at 2009, same shit just a different number at the end. Did e expect anything different really? Na, not really. I didn't have a new Year's Resolution only because everytime I do have on, it don't pan put anyway, LOL. I didn't do anything New Year's. Joe watch Twlight Zone all night and fell alseep early and I played my online game until 2:0o am which is usually not me. I didn't even watch the ball drop in New York. I think these Holiday's are just so bla no, I guess I am older I am a parrty pooper anymore. Even Christmas to me didn't feel like Christmas, it hasn't for the past few years but I like to watch the kids open their gifts and every year I h ope Jony understands what is going on but he still don't don't get it. I had to open his gifts yet again and he don't want nothing to do with any of them =( It's so sad.

I think I am getting together with my cousin today, was supposed to be yesterday but I ound up in Walmart spending money on my kids... they needed clothes and taking Jonny to McDonald's for lunch. He was such a good boy. now on Sat I am taking him to get his haircut, that is NOT going to be fun, he hates it and cries and it breaks my heart but I can' have him having hair in his eyes and long hair, people think he is a girl, LOL.

I am also getting Aysa her late Christmas gifts today I think too. I am getting her a phone from Metro PCS. It is really cheap. It is $40 a month unlimited text and unlimited talk which is what I need for her! I didn't have the money before Christmas so Christmas morning It old her I was getting it right after Christmas. She needs it now, she goes out and I need to know where she is and etc... Than she won't have an excuse of why she didn't check in and it is the perfect thing to take away when she gets grounded!!! My daughter is 12 going on 20 I swear. Things these kids do I didn't fo until I was like 14 or the clothes they wear and things they want, it drives me nuts. Id id good this year once again for Christmas though and got everthing on sale, even her clothes and her jacket she wanted. I got her jacket for $40 when it is an $80 jacket, her boots were buy one pair for $20 get the 2nd pair for $10. Her shirts from Aeropostal were on sale for $10.00 and so was her Hollister shirts, well they were $25 but byuy one get one free so I got 4 shirt for $50.00 YAY. Her jeans I found in a kids store for $25 (skinny jeans) instead of the $50, which Joe wanted to kill me when I bought them for $50, LOL

So Happy New Year's to you all. I know I didn't get on Myspace and commnt anyone but I did sent out a bulletin, LOL.

I hope you all have a good New Year and I hope it is better than last year.

Bridgete, I am so proud of you that you lost all that weight, you were determined and you did it! You look Great! I have alot of clothes for you for Parker but surgery messed me up so when I am feeling better I will send it out to you.

Tammy, hang in there kiddo, you are strong and you will be ok. Time will fly by so fast and before you kowit, Chris will be home with you and the babies!!

Leslie,I haven't had time to send out anything yet, I still feel like crappo but when I feel better i will get it out to you.

Alittle of this and that

2008-12-29T20:26:00.003-05:00

This last pic is a stratch I did from the pain medications I was allergic to. Not only did it make me throw up but it made me itch like crazy.

Hey everyone!n I don't even know where to start on here since it has been awhile since I wrote in here. I guess I will start with surgery. My surgery was the 17th. It was supposed to be an in and out procedure of a laporoscopy. No biggie to me since I had it done so damn times. It turned out to be a mess really. My Dr had to call in the General Surgeon because the adhesion's and scar tissue was so bad on my bowels he couldn't by law of his license touch it. It was so bad that it could not even be lazered off, it had to be cut out. Than they thought I had a hernia by my vaginal wall which turned out to be a huge mass of adhesion's and scar tissue thank god. The pain was intense when I woke up. I was on Dilotin for pain and was allergic to that so I was dry heaving and all with compazine shots in the ass to stop the vomiting for 3 days. By the 4th day I was on no pain meds cause I was afraid to throw up, 4 incisions on the belly and throwing up is not a good feeling at all. It hurt pretty bad. The pain from this surgery hurt worst than the hysterectomy surgery I had 7 years ago. I finally got home on the 20th at like 7:00 at night. I was glad to be home but damn the pains were so intense. Here I am 10 days later and my left side still hurts pretty bad but bare able. My tolerance to pain is pretty high since I been dealing with the Endometriosis since I was 14, have no choice but to deal with pains. I have 4 incisions from hip to hip from 3 c-sections and the hysterectomy and here the damn Dr, cut me from belly button down to the hair line. I was so mad when I seen that I cried like a baby. My belly is ugly enough with all the scars and stretch marks,he just made it 20 times worst.

Christmas was good. I was still in pain but it was all for the kids, always is anyway. Joe cooked a ham and turkey with a bunch of sides, my brother was here with his fiance, my brother in law and his wife and 2 kids and my family so I had a full house. It was nice though that I did no cooking or cleaning up, LOL. It was good but my appetite at that time was limited so all i had was turkey and stuffing. I was too afraid to eat and get sick again, LOL. My worst fear is throwing up so I will in any case avoid to throw up. Alyssa and Joey were super happy with what they got for Christmas and Jonny had no clue as to what was going on like every year and kept going to the tree looking at it saying "tree" "tree" like wondering why there is a damn tree in the house. It was a nice day but very long for me!

Today my cousin's husband left for Iraq, I feel bad for her. It sucks. They have 2 kids and one of them is just a new born. So now I feel bad for my cousin having to take care of 2 babies and the house and all on her own as I feel bad for all the women who's husband's have to leave over sea's. It sucks. I hope Obama makes the changes he promised!!

The weight I was so excited about that I put on (14 lbs) I lost already. I went over to see Nae and I was down to 104. Sickening. I look sick! When i was 114 I looked good, the boobs were nice and the ass was there, LOL. I have nothing now. I am trying so hard to get my appetite back but it is hard after surgery to get it back fast! Nothing tastes good and everything just tastes different.

The pics are from what I looked like a week later so you can imagine what I looked like after my surgery. It is sooo ugly! My stretch marks were never this bad but I guess since he pumped me up with the air he made the stretch marks deeper.... I just wanna cry!

There is alot of personal stuff going on, I will write about that later. It is time for me to lay down, my left side is killing me!

I've Been Busy

2008-12-07T08:17:00.002-05:00

The past few days have been extremely busy with always something to do or going on. Wednesday Jonny had an appt at the new Dr's office (the child Phycho Dr). Well we went to go school to pick him up and when we get to the office, we had a little surprise that his appt was cancelled but no one called me to inform me of this. I was quite ticked off. His apt now is Monday at 11:00 and the evaluation is 2 hours long. I hope she does something to help Jonny sleep better at nights, this is nuts! Joe get up with him around 3:00 am until like 7-7:30 than wakes me up to be with him and Joe goes back to sleep for awhile, it is just insane!

Thursday I had to go to the hospital for the pre-admission blood work and all the questions of this and that. They took 5 viles of blood and after that I had to get an EKG because I am a smoker. That in itself was 2 and 1/2 hours long.

Friday I get a call saying I need to come back to the hospital to get the blood work taken all over again because there was blood clots in the tubes. WTF!!!! She said this was no one's fault and it happens frequently... Hmm I doubt that and I blame the nurse for this one. She didn't spin it right or something.

Friday night was my candle party. We had a blast. We went through all the candles that were made which was 38 different ones and than the ones in the bottles which was like 50, LOL. I am so immuned to these scents so Ismell them differently I think, LOL. It was a success considering there was only 8 girls there but we had a blast with the wine, LOL., I got home at 2:30 a.m. still feeling that buzz feeling, LOL

Saturday Jonny's therapist came for 2 hours and talked to me about moving Jonny out of the school district possibly if they cannot come up with something to help this child and how they can control him. This is their job, they went to college on this so they of all people should know how to control an autistic child. It pisses me off!!!

Today is Sunday and I am hoping to get to the stores and get some more Christmas gifts for the kids and some outside lights. I have like 6 bushes I want lights in so I must do this but I am not sure if Joe has band so it all depends on that. I cannot take Jonny to the store when it it Christmas time, he is deathly afraid of the Christmas animations and thins so him going with me in nearly impossible. Maybe I can take him and bribe with him with McDonald's Chicken nuggets and fries, LOL

I snowed last night, flurries were just slowly coming down. It looks so pretty but I hate the shit! It makes it feel like Christmas but i still hate it, LOL. I hate the cold weather too, it hurts the bones in my legs.

Ok.. I think that is it for now. I might be back later and read more blogs, I still need to wake up here a bt, LOL

XOXO

Why Me?

2008-11-30T18:57:00.002-05:00

To make a long story short, my Mother and I went to Walmart and got Joey and Alyssa new winter coats last month. The one I got Alyssa was too small so when I went to get nother there was none so I picked out this pretty pink, brown coat. Alyssa hated it and said it was for the younger kids, not kids her age. (How well I remembe doing this too). So whatever, the coat just hung in the closet and she wears these heavy hoodies to school. No biggie to me.

I went shopping as I said in my previous post about Black Friday. I did buy Alyssa the coat she wanted. I couldn't resist. It was an $80 coat on sale for $40. Come on now, you can't beat that! It is those coats the kids wear with the fur around the hood and fur inside and it comes just to waist line. All black. I loved it! If I had the extra money I would have gotten myself one! Anyway, with that being said I also got her 2 pairs of boots one pair was $20 and the 2nd pair was $10, how can u resist that too? These are boots she wanted! Than I went into Aeropostal and bought her a t-shirt for $10. Holy shit now, $80.00 on 4 things she wanted for Christmas, I was proud of myself that I got great bargains.

I get home and show my parents and Joe what I got. My Mom turns around to me and says I can't believe you went and bought her that coat! She has one in the closet that she refuses to wear. Hmm exactly! I said I got her what she wanted for Christmas. Yea, this is my money from my candles but atleast I started to shop since this year is going to be tightwith Joe not getting paid yet. Better get them while they are on sale right!?!?!

Saturday morning, early afternoon my Mother decides to say to me, "I have some things I want to say to you but I don't know how to go about it. I said Like what Mom? Than she went off saying I should have never bought the jacket for her. Than it was, I never talk to her. What? Well when I lived upstate we would be on the phone for like 2 hours rambling about this and that. I said well Mom, you live here now, you see what is going on, I tell everyone how Jon does in school, their report cards and what not, what is there to say to you. You live here, you see it all. Conversations are limited now because you live here and see and hear everything. I live in a bubble she says. I go around cleaning, doing what I need to do and don't say anything to anyone. I say good morning and I kiss them both goodnight and tell them I love them. What the hell more do you want from me? She had me so upset I was crying. Why can't you just leave me alone I said. I don't bother anyone and when it comes to my kids, they are mine, butt out! You tell Alyssa she is grounded the next day and when the next day comes you let her go. Well I am sorry, it was something stupid and it is my kid anyway, why does this bother you?

The festivities of Christmas is very hard but I love it at the same time. My brother's death anniversary is Dec 12th and my father is law is not here either, that is still fresh. My son Jonathonbothers me becuse Santa is coming and he has no clue as to who Santa is, ask for things he wants, look forward to gifts under the tree, the movies on tv that we wtch. All this gets to me and I tend to want to be alone and be left alone. My son't sutism in itlsef depresses me so bad. I know there is nothing I can do about it but it depresses me so bad, espceically when it is this time of year. Some people can take it better than others. My husband Joe takes this all better than I do. Yea it bothers him to pieces too but he handles it beter than me.

So now because I bought my dughter a jacket for Christmas I am getting ignored which honestly I would rather it be that way anyway, friction is just rediculous and her not talking to me is like her bein a hypacrit isn't it? I don't know, maybe it me but joe stayed upstairs and listened to the whole thing of my Mom yelling at me and me screaming at her and I even yelled at my Dad too. I am sick and tired of people getting on me when I do nothing wrong. My Mother in law came over to see what was goin on, she thought maybe Joe and I were fighting. She went upstairs to Joe and they both listened to both my parent bash me for shopping and living in the bubble I supposably live in.

Freaking family screws me over more than my friends do and to me that is horrible. I trust noone in my family except one Uncke andone Aunt, that is it! I seriously have noone to talk to about my problems or my depression besides my mother in law who nderstands how I feel and comforts me it the way of me feeling like I am not going crazy, that thisis normal for me to feel this way and it is ok to just do what I want and not talk to anyone if I don't want to. It is not like I am inoring them, there is ust nothin to talk about because we all live here in the same house.

Alyssa will try and do anything she can to get out of the house. She cannot stand my Mother. She said she loved her when we would go visit them upstate but now that they live with us she said her Grandmother is another person she don't like. So she will try and sleep over her friends house as often as possible and I can't blame her really. My Mom is cool when she wants to be but she is so old school it is not funny. So since yesterday after this arguement over a f*ucking jacket and me being a bubble I have been ignored! How nice huh!!!

Joe says she likes to cause drama and I am starting to believe this myself. I just don't kno wwhat to do expcept pray that thwir inlaw suite gets up FAST!

2008-11-30T15:04:00.002-05:00

Well as I mentioned before I went Christmas shopping for Alyssa on Black Friday. Alyssa wanted this coat so bad and I could not reisist for $40.00 so I broke down and got her this coat along with an Aeropostal shirt, and 2 pairs of boots that she wanted. Also as I mention in my previous post I could not say what I got but I have no choice but to because this is an entry that needs to be said.

Last month my parents gave me money to get the kids winter coats. Joey is easy, Alyssa is at that age now where she wants what the

Black Friday Shopping

2008-11-28T18:33:00.002-05:00

I had no intentions on going anywhere today but out of nowhere at 12:00 I decided to get a shower and go shopping. Not that I had alot of money on me but I had enough to get Alyssa 4 of her gifts she wanted for Christmas and I spent $85.00 total for all 4 things. I can't really say what I got in case she reads this but it was a HUGE bargain that I got. The one thing I got her that she really wanted was originally $80.00 and I got it for $40.00. I was stoked to get it.

I am the EVERY YEAR BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPER and this would have been this first year I didn't go so I couldn't break the tradition and it was good to get out of the house for while by myself and no kids, just me! Now I kinda regret walking so much because my ovary feels like it is going to explode and my left kidney is killing me. I am not the pill popper so I will cope with the pain until I can't walk than I will take motrin or something for the pain but by that time I take my night medications and I am out for the count anyway!

Should I tell you how packed the malls were, Walmart, Toys R Us, AC Moore, Target, and Michael's were?!?!? It was wall to wall people and very rude people. I think if I was not on these phycho meds I would have flipped a lid on some people but since I was calm, I took it like a lady and waited in line while I hear people talk about how this sister was a bitch last night after dinner, how Uncle Same ate the whole pie and didn't save any for anyone and why the hell didn't Kathy bring anything, she comes to eat for Thanksgiving and didn't bring a damn thing. I was standing there listening to every one's drama thinking.....My dinner was good and I had no drama to talk about for once, LMAO. But it was very humorous to listen to other people bitch and moan about their own famiy members, hehe

Tomorrow is Saturday and I have nothing planned but to make some cookies and candles. The candle party is this Friday so I have a few days to make them. I am really craving some raw cookie dough so in the midst of making choc chip cookies I will eat it raw while no one is looking!!

I hope you all had a good holiday! I am thankful I have such good friends online =)

I love you guys!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T19:48:00.002-05:00

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. My Thanksgiving was good. I got up at 7:30 made my spice cake with cream cheese icing. While the cake was baking I was cooking my sausage for the stuffing and cutting celery and onions. I had the turkey in the oven by 9:30. I was so proud of myself to have it in that early. So my dinner consisted of Turkey, home made stuffing, mashed potatoes, broccoli, cranberries, fresh Italian bread, gravy, and rolls. For dessert we had my home made spice cake with cream cheese icing, pumpkin pie and apple pie with rocky road ice cream and vanilla ice cream. It was YUMMY!

It was just my family that lives with me, all 8 of us and than Alyssa's friend ate over too because her family didn't do Thanksgiving (why I don't know). So 9 of us ate together except Jonny and Joey ate grill cheese. I really wish they would atleast try the food but... what can ya do right. This foods program starts with Joey in January now and I am sticking to it too. Whatever they say I am doing and I am not giving in. Jonny is alittle more difficult to change but he is offered this organic snack everyday, hey.. it's a start!!

I hope you all had a wonderful day. I know it is like 8:00 p.m. now and I am exhausted. I manage to take a 2 hour nap while the turkey was cooking but I still felt so tired. I don't know why I am always so tired, I hate it! I hate feeling this tired everyday, it's horrible. Hopefully when the surgery is over I won't be so tired. I think all the pains I have everyday bring me down and make me feel this tired, I truly believe that. Running around after kids and cleaning up after them ever 5 mins don't help either =(

Jonny decided to play with Squirt again tonight (our turtle) and have water everywhere once again. This time I was not sleeping, we were all playing Yatzee and next thing you know we all heard this Swoosh sound. There was water everywhere yet again. So now that everyone was here playing a game and my son did this, am I bad mother for this? If you don't know what I am talking about, read the post I have saying I am a bad parent!

Ok... I am for the night!

Hope you all had a wonderful day!

Love and Hugs,
Theresa

Alittle Of This And That

2008-11-25T21:18:00.002-05:00

Ok, the hospital called me today for the surgery. First it was the Dec 10th but I could not do it on that date because I have to get the bone denstity test done and Pelvic ultra sound so the surgery is Dec 17th. I have to be there at 6:00 a.m. I know I need to get this done, it is WAY OVER DUE (7 years). I am so scared but at the same time I am thinking, well, I will be able to walk around the block with the kids with no pain, have nice romances with Joe with no pains and be able to wear jeans with the button on and the zipper up! It's been a hell of a long time since I was able to wear jeans buttoned and the zipper up! That is what I am looking forward to. Scared as hell but the pains are so unbareable at this point that I have no choice but to get this done and over with. The Dr said the surgery is going to take a few hours to get in there and do what he has to do and if it worst than what he thinks the surgery will take longer. As long as I am asleep and don't wake up in the middle of the surgery I will be ok, LOL. I had a dream lastnight that I was getting surgery and I woke up while they were doing their thing and I could feel every move, that was scarey! My mind is playing tricks on me now. So from now until Dec 17th, I am going to be a nervous wreck!

Tomorrow Joe and I have to go to the store and get a few things for Thanksgiving dinner. I need 2 stalks of celery, bread, gravy and dinner rolls. I have everything else. Since my parents live with me I don't have to invite them for dinner and since my mother in law lives here too, noone has to drive anywhere. I THINK my brother in law and sister in law an their 2 kids are coming. We usually have them over every year for Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is always nice, it is the start of the festivities of Christmas and I love it! I love the music, the kids getting excited for Christmas and Santa. I want to start putting up the lights around the house soon before it gets even colder than what it is now. Darn it is like in the 30's and 40's and winter is not even here yet. I think this winter is going to be a bad one like 93' and 95'.

Jonny has an appt with a child Phychologist so I am hoping they will change his medicines and help us with the meltdowns. I feel so bad. He was just sitting here tonight on the couch watching tv and out of nowhere the tears slowly went down his cheeks. All he said was "No Cry".I said, that's right Honey, no cry! He does this from time to time for no reason. I think he is at the age now where he knows he has a problem and wants to be like the other kids.I truely believe this and not being able to talk I know is a HUGE factor of his meltdowns. I cry all th time over Jonny. It saddens me so much to see him like this. I want to help him so bad but there is nothing more I can do but what we are doing now. I am starting to buy organic foods for him, he won't touch them yet but if I offer it everyday he might just one day pick it up and try it if there is nothing else for him to eat!

Well.... I hope everyone has a blessed and wonderful Thanksgiving! I am going to make home made choc chip cookies, cakes and things like that. the junk never lasts long here with Joe and Alyssa and my Dad... they love their junk food. I do too but I need to be in the mood for it.

Speakig of foods... when I went to the Dr's I weighed in at 111. YAY for me. I have been trying to gain some wight for like forever now. I stopped at Vernae's house the other day to drop off a candle order for her Mom's friend and Vernae noticed right away I gained some weight. I was happy when she said that! I am so sick and tired of hearing people say you are too skinny and you need to gain some weight. You know what I feel like saying?!?! Yea you know what I am thinking! Skinny is different than thin and thin is what I am, not skinny. The weight I seem to be gaining is going to the thighs and my butt. It usually goes to the boobs (that are hardly there, hehe) but this time it is going to the thighs and butt!

Bridgete, you go girl! I am so proud of you and your weight loss! Keep up the great work!! No matter how much weight you lose, you will always be beautiful to me!!

Ok.. enough of me tonight. If I don't get to write tomorrow

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU ALL!!!

I Am Totally Scared!

2008-11-24T21:05:00.003-05:00

I am going to try and make this a short story but I know it's going to be long here so bare with me on this and try and be in my shoes on all of this info I am about to say here.

Back in 96 when I gave birth to Alyssa I bled for 18 momths straight. The Dr's could not figure out why I was bleeding and tried everything in the world to stop the bleeding from shots, birth control pill every 4 hours to a surgery. After the 18 months it stopped out of no where and I thought I was prego but I wasn't. It just stopped on it's own.

In 1999 I got prego with Joey and everything was peachy keen after they injected me with drugs to help me get pregnant. No bleeding after the birth and everything was good besides the Endometriosis getting worst and had numerous surgeries and shots (Lupron).

Back in 2001 I got pregnant with Jonny with no help by the Dr's and after the birth in May I bled straight until Valentine's day of 2002. That is the day I had my hysterecomy. My original Dr made me go to this other Dr because he could not perform surgies anymore because of the insurance but explained to the new Dr to do a scope on me and clean out the Endometriosis than a few weeks later do the hystrecomy. Well this Dr didn't see fit to do all this and just went forward to the hysterecomy and I hemridged and almost died. I was in the hospital for 12 days in ICU. Now remember this is February ok. Well in May of 2008, a few months later I was in DIRE pain and the Dr told me it was all in my head. He finally gave in and did surgery and found Endometriosis all over and when I mean all over I mean all over. I still have the ovaries but everything else is gone in me. Well the Endometriosis decided to climb on my spine, push my left kidney against my back, push on my bowels and bladder and down my thighs. This Dr showed me the pictures he took while he was in there and said I need to have a LONG ASS surgery to get rid of the Endometriosis and that it will take about 10 hours to do. Well it was scheduled and I never showed up. They called at 6:00 am asking where I was on the answering machine. I never picked up or called back. I was SCARED as hell ever since what happened with the hysterectomy.

I FINALLY go to my OBGYN today because the pains are so bad I can't take it no more. Just for me to go pee I actually have to push like you would to have a baby. My bowels... hahaha... I have IBS from the Endo so it is constipation one day or the shits the next.

Sex......... That is here and there with tears from pain. It sucks. Everyday I am in dire pain but just kept dealing with it as much as I could up until a few days ago when I said I cannot do this anymore. I am not a pill popper, I hate to even take my Phycho meds but I know I need them to keep me sane. I don't even take tylenol for pains, I refuse to take anything, especially narcotics.

My Dr today did the whole Pap test and all. He said he could feel the swelling on the vaginal wall. No wonder it hurts you Theresa he says, it is so swollen in there from the Endometriosis. "Theresa Honey, I know why you have been holding out on the surgery but we need to do this like NOW, you have children that need you and the longer you wait, the worst your organs are getting". "We are doing blood work to see if you have a blood disorder from when I gave birth bleeding so much and from the hysterectomy. I also have to go and get a bone denstity test done. Lupron shots are basically putting a woman into menopause and you are technically only supposed to be on Lupron shots like 3 times and I have been on them like 7 times to control the Endometriois because I had no other options besides surgeries thatI always refused =( Now I regret it.

Bone denstity test and ultra sound of the pelvic area is Dec 10th and after that my surgery will be scheduled. I am SCARED shitless. i am so serious I am really afraid to die. I almost died whe I had the hysterectomy because of the hemridging and them opening me back up 12 hours later. It was bad plus blood transfusions on top of it.

I AM SCARED to do this surgery.

Dr says he is going in with the scope, going to look around and see how bad it is and get out what he can. What he can't get out is the major surgery with the specialists there that can get the kidney to straighten out with a stent and all. I am so scared! I don't think I have ever been so scared in my life when it comes to surgeries, I've had so many but just the last one really put a damper on my feeling towards surgeries now. If all goes well, I can come home that day if the surgery is not major. If it turns out to be a major surgery where all the Dr's can be available I will be there for a few days!

I am scared guys. What if I die? What would my kids do without me? What if the same thing happens from when I had my hysterectomy? My Dr had 2 Assistants with him that are going through their internship. The one guy looked at me and said you are a living Endometriosis nightmare. My Dr turned around and said I have never ever ever seen this happen before and yes, Theresa is in the medical research book for Endometriosis.

I want to cry but it won't come out. I tell Joe I am so scared and all he says is, you'll be fine. What else should I expect? Nothing. Nothing at all really. I just need him to hold me and tell me everything will be ok and I will come home that day and be in no more pain!

The surgery date is unknown at this time, they are waiting for the blood work to come back first and my bone denstity test and pelvic ultra sound first. I'll keep you guys posted on when it is so you know I am not ignoring you guys when i am not online writing you on here and Myspace!

How can the endometriosis grow when I don't get a period? All I have is ovaries and the right one is the size of a grape, non functionable so how is the Endo getting worst and growing with no period I asked.

The Answer:
The ovaries are still in there which produce hormones and endometriosis grows from the hormones and atttaches where it can and apparently from the pictures my Dr got from May of 2008, it is ALL OVER. Well tjat explains why my back hurts all day long, it's on my spine. That explains why I have to push just to pee. That explains why i cannot have sexual intercourse with my husband without tears or hurry up Joe cause it hurts!

Just do me a favor guys and pray if you pray. If you don't pray.. think of me!!!

Let's Talk About Drugs

2008-11-23T13:42:00.002-05:00

Ok so I am on all different kinds of kinds of mdications. I asked my Family Dr if I could go on Zyban to help me quit smoking and he said no way, it would not work with the Phycho medications I am on. This was Wednesday I went to the family Dr.

Thurs night I went to the Phycho Dr. told him I have really bad mood swings, like a flick of a switch still and I am god aweful tired all day long. I could sleep for 12 hours and still want to sleep for another 8 and STILL be tired. My blood pressure was 100/62. Well that could be why you have dizsy spells he tells me, I was complaining of dizzy spells all the time and being tired. He took blood work and urine so we'll see how that goes.

Anyway here is the medicines I am on.

Klonopin twice daily (once in the morning and one at bedtime) 1mg
Seroquel 200 mg at bedtime (which he up'd for the mood swings) it was 100 mg
Remron 30 mg at bedtime

Morning:
Klonopin
Wellbutrin 100 mg
Women's One A Day

My Phycho Dr told me that being on Wellbutrin is in the same family as the remron and Klonopin and Seroquel and told me the Dr had no idea what he was talking about, LOL

Nice family Dr I have huh!

The whole idea of the Wellbutrin is help me quit smoking. The first month won't take affect because it usually takes 3-4 weeks to kick in but by the 2nd month I should not be smoking as much and by the 3rd month I should be abl to quit and chew some gum or suck on candy.

I read all about these drugs I am on and Jesus good Lord, I seem like I am a huge Phycho path who needs to be put away, LOL The side affecrs are scarey in itself and damaging to kidney's and all. What the hell! I already have problems with my kidneys and all from the Endometriosis on my bladder,kidneys, bowels and spine.

I am going to die a young woman, I just know it!

This And That

2008-11-22T20:48:00.002-05:00

Hey everyone! After all the crap with Myspace and Joe's friend being Joe for awhile things have been ok. Joe and I discussed our problems with communication, not spending time with each other and etc... it was nice to hear how much he loves me and didn't realize it until I was ready for a divorce.

I went to Alyssa and Joey's conferences. They both did GREAT and I was surprised actually. I thought Alyssa was going to be grounded and Joey as well but they both shocked me and I was stoked to see the good report cards!! YAY Lys and Joey. Joey even got an award for perfect attendance!

I am in the middle of making more candles for the upcoming candle party Dec 5th which I am so stoked about. I will post pictures when I get them all done. Joe's cousin has 2 websites and said i can join off her websites with my own domain for $10 a year and her friend is going to help me make my website! I am so excited!!!

So things here with Jonny have been pretty bad! His meltdowns are terrible and I had to pick him up from school yesterday because it was that bad! I just don't know what to do anymore. Jonny See's the Child's Phycho (lol) Dr Dec 3rd so I am looking forward to that! This sucks! Today was a bad day for him which makes me a wreck and in a bad mood because nothing I want to do with him makes him happy when he is like this. I tried to give him herbal tea, NO WAY! He threw it! I tried to give him organic snacks and looks at me like I am crazy and smells it and says NO NO NO!

It's getting late and I took my medicines so I will write more tomorrow.

Love you guys =)

You guys will love this one

2008-11-21T06:38:00.002-05:00

The previous messages that you seen from that girl Michelle and Joe... Well Michelle was me. I made a FAKE Myspace to catch him in the act. I knew it was joe the first msg about the Battle of the bands and all. As far as the other messages, It was NOT Joe. When i sent him a message about the sex and all, it was Kile who also goes on the band site. At the one point at 9:00 something Joe was sleeping when i went to check wheni got the last message, the laptop was not even on and it was a minute later. I called Kile and said Dude... I was snooped into your Myspace and seen those messages to Joe and signed by Joe but how is it Joe when he is sleeping. Kile admitted to me that he was saying it was Joe cause Joe is the good looking one and if she knew it was him she would not talk to him (which is true). I said why would u wdo that when u know Joe had previously gotten into trouble with this shit. This could put me in divorce court over this and by you using Joe's name. That is awe fully wrong!!!! So at this point, I know it was NOT Joe (THANK GOD).

When I spoke to Joe about all this he had no idea what the hell I was talking about with the sex talk and all. I can tell when he lying and when he isn't. I told him what happened with that girl being me and I was trying to catch you in the act and here I thought I was until I found you snoring inbed after I got my last msg and I knw it was not you so I called Kile.

Joe was laughing. He also showed me messages he got from other girls and he showed me the sent messages back saying thanks for the compliment of you thinking I am hot but I am married to a bautiful girl for 14 years now and I am not about to jeapordize my marriage over someone over the net or anywhere else.

I felt safe after I seen that. he also wrote Jenny and told her he was married and that they can say hi and how are you thing but that was it. I was surprised to see it and this was days ago, before Michelle even came in to play.

Ok so there we are. Here I am thinking I am getting Joe, having the proof and it was not even Joe. I told Joe you have to understand where I am coming from because u have screwed around on me for a long time now.

Don't I feel like an ass!!!

Be Honest

2008-11-16T15:06:00.002-05:00

Ok... so Joe has been doing some bad awful things since his Dad passed away on the Internet, chatting, flirting, making singles profiles, sexual conversations and whatnot with girls over and over for a year and a 1/2 now. Within the past 2 months I caught him chatting it up on Myspace with certain girls, I took action with the girl and him and took his laptop away and bla bla bla. I am making this story short here cause there really is alot more to this. I just wanna know something. If this were you and you seen your husband talking to the same girl over and over, maybe just casual talk BS stuff, you kick her off his myspace and he re adds her over and over and tells the girls you are phycho and than you see he tells her he misses her. How would you feel? I seen it last night on his comments that she said I miss you too so of course I go to her site on myspace under Joe's acct and see what he said to her to see why she said that. I wrote her under his acct saying back the F off my man, he is married with 3 kids and you were warned before bitch. Get your own man whore and lay off mine. Knowing this is Joe and her but she was warned before from me to leave my husband alone. I took the laptop away like 2 weeks ago and swore I would never give it back.. I gave in thinking he won't do it again. There is nothing I can see that is going on but all msg's were deleted and comments too, I just so happen to see the last one he didn't see yet.

I don't know what to do. Joe says they are just words over the net. I said those words go further and further and it is ALWAYS her you talk to so there has to be a connection somewhere with you 2. He denies it of course but every time I delete his myspace or delete her, he finds her and re adds her! I am so pissed off.

Would you be mad if you seen your husband write a girl saying I miss you??? A girl he has been chatting it up with for a few months now? Should I just let it go? He says it is just being nice... to the same girl?????

Happy Veteran's Day

2008-11-11T12:03:00.003-05:00

To all that served for this country! You all well deserve more than what you get and than some! I have to be honest, I don't think I could join the military and go to war and do what the vets do so I applaud you and thank you for everything you have done for this country although i don't think we should still be in Iraq but... thank you to all the VETERANS!!

Today is not such a good day for me and Jonny. Jonny was flipping out because he wanted to go outside at 9:00 this morning. It was too cold and I wanted to clean up my house somewhat before I took him to ride his new bike his Grandmother just bought yesterday. Dottie (mother in law) bought all 3 kids new bikes yesterday, they are really nice. I will have to take some pics of them when they get home. Anyway, Jonny was flipping out, throwing things, dumping his drink on the floor and couch (which is white), screaming, kicking and crying. Nothing can calm him down and I cannot just give into to him every time he wants something because than he will know that he can have a meltdown and get what he wants. I more or less punish myself for this but I have to do it, it is the right thing to do. He can't always get wha he wants all the time.
After I cleaned up I took him outside like he wanted since 9 am and took him on his bike. He didn't want that after 20 mins. He wanted to go on the swing. Ok let's go on the swingset and play. He started to get upset saying SpongeBob. I brought him in and he has been fine since than but it has only been an hour. It is hard to do anything when Joe is at school. I needed to make some candles today and I can't do tha until Jow gets home because every 5 minutes he wants somthing or is getting into something and I cannot walk away from boiling hot wax.

Sometimes I just feel like I cannot handle the meltdowns. I don't know what to do with them when he does it and he is very strong. It is very hard to calm him down when this occurs. I can't imagine notbeing ablw to talk to tell anyone wha i want or what I am thinking and etc... It sucks and it breaks my heart. Jonny can only say a few select words but can repeat what you say but it kills me when he wants something and I don't know what it is =(

Joe should be home by 1:00 I am hoping,I wanna take a nap. I have like the biggest headache in the world.

Hope you are all having a good Tuesday@

Love,'Tree

WTF

2008-11-10T07:52:00.003-05:00

2:00 in the morning we are woken up from a nice dead sleep by our son Joey saying one of our car alarms are going off. We figured someone walked too close to one of the cars and it went off. Now mind you, there are 4 cars at my house now. Joe's truck, my car, m Dad's car and my mom's car. Usually my Dad's car is in the driveway for easy access with the wheelchair and Joe's truck is in the driveway. Well anyway, we went outside to see and it was Joe's truck. Here the back window was smashed in, glass on the seat and his wallet was still there, right in front of the eyes bu what was taken???? His sunglasses!! Yea his friggen sunglasses that are prescription anyway and he is blind as a bat without his glasses so whoever took them feels like an asshole. This person must have seen Joe wear these glasses and loved them so much that they had to break in the ruck and get them, little did they know they are prescribed, HA!

Joe is really upset. His truck was his Dad's truck when he was still alive and his Dad LOVED his truck. That was Joe's Dad's first truck he ever bought BRAND NEW and he was very proud of it and took GREAT care of it. The truck was given to Joe when Dad passed away so this truck has emotional meaning behind it. Joe feels like he is still with his Dad when he drives it so when this happened last night, it was not good.

I hate neighborhood kids!! This is the first time we ever had a problem since we moved here in April. We are always nice to the kids so they don't vandalize our house or anything. I am assuming it was a kid but than again, why would a school kid be out at 2 in the morning, than agin, there are alot of parents out there who don't care.

Today started out great! I ran out of black ink so I have to go do that today after I make some candles. Kids are off tomorrow for Veteran's Day so no candles tomorrow.

I hope today gets better...

XOXO
Tree

I'm A Bad Parent

2008-11-09T19:46:00.003-05:00

I guess I am a bad mother or as I was told today in so many words. Alyssa was out with her friends at their house, Joey was at a B-day party and Jonny and I were watching Shrek in his room laying on the bed. Nex thing you know he is sleeping so I dozed off along with him. Low and behold he woke up and I didn't feel him get up and he came downstairs (with my parents in the living room) and decided he was going to play with our pet turtle squirt and play in the water. I hear my name being called, I get up and my Mother is screaming at me, "Your his Mother". There was water all over, a pebbles here and there, my desk had water on it, my chair, the fireplace and the around he tank. Well I bust out laughing and saying OH MY GOD! I never never never do that but it just so happened that today I was overly tired I guess and dozed pretty pretty fast and didn't feel him get up.

I AM A HORRIBLE MOTHER!!!!!

Well Joe's Mom (my mother in law and her sister) helped me clean it all up as we were chuckling about it because Jonny don't know right from wrong and it was kinda funny, LOL. My mother in law's sister said to me... What kind of Grandmother is your Mom that she didn't hear this going on and see what was happening or check on him. I was like oh no, she just did not say that! LOL

I swear to ya I never sleep when Jonny is awake, this is a first and I do have to admit that if this happened to Joe I would have flipped out on him but when Joe got home I told him gntly what happened. He was ok with it. He was not mad but he did say, ya know if I did this you would have flipped. He's right, I would have but here is another thing I was saying. What is the difference from me dozing for a few minutes and that is what it was, literally a few minutes than cleaning the rooms while he was down here watching SpongeBob or supposed to be watching SpongeBob? It could have happened when I was cleaning or hanging clothes. I do everything around here so I am exhausted and the candle business is popping so I am exhausted from home issues to a business. Exhausted mentally and physically but I seriously think there is something wrong with me. I could sleep for 12 hours straight and still feel like I never slept a wink. I am ALWAYS so tired and I drink alot of caffeine such as coffee and pepsi. Why am I so tired?

Anyway... that was my day today! I am a bad mother and now I am being ignored by my Mother because of this. Hmmm.... Everyone makes mistakes and it;s not like he was here alone although I do admit it was wrong, there were 2 grandparents here in the next room.

Grrrrr

The Kids B-day Party

2008-11-09T07:19:00.004-05:00

Hello everyone! I hope every one's weekend is going well. Mine is going good but today is still Sunday, early, LOL.
Yesterday I had a small party for all 3 kids combined. Jonny's b-day was in May, Alyssa's was in Sept and Joey's was Oct. Well right before Jonny's b-day that is when my bathroom ruptured from he ceiling and than Joe got laid off so this was the first opportunity I could throw them a small but nice party. It turned out very nice. I got 7 pizza's, 4 plain and 3 pepperoni, bottles, soda, chips with dips and etc... The kids had a blast. Jonathon got an outfit and $30, Joey got a gift card for $10.00 and $50 cash and what Alyssa got, I have no idea. She wanted these boots from the mall which were $20.00 but I asked her does she want te makeup or the boots. She said the makup since she has none. I should have went with the boots, the makeup was expensive,LOL.

The party was at 4:00 and mostly everyone was gone by 7:00. After I cleaned up with some help, I took the boys to my cousin's house (not Jonny) and than went to the bird store called Bird Paradise. My mother in law wanted a new BIGGER cage since our cages we have now are tiny and our poor birds have no room to move. So we got new cages, I'll have to post pics later when I set it up. It is really nice but every time I am in there I want a baby McCaw, they are so sweet and loving but than again I have a cockateil and she is awesome, She just hops on my shoulder and walks around with me and she will do it forever.
So now I have a new cage! YAY!!!

I have another candle party demo December 5th. Joe's 2nd cousin's wife is having it at her house. ia ms ooo stoked!!! Everyone's feedback on the candles are great so I guess I did well, LOL.

I have to make candles today and get these orders outta here because my nail salaon wants me to bring her in 8 16 oz candles and 8 12 oz candles for the store, which I know will sell because she is always so busy!

Ok... I have to go check Myspace and check something out with the websites, LOL

Hope you are all well =)

XOXO
Tree

My Candle Party

2008-11-07T05:51:00.002-05:00

Go read it. I wrote a long thing about how the party was lastnight. I am not sure how to add people to my Candle blog.. How do I do that?? This blogging stuff is confusing to me, LOL'

Anyway since I am here. Can someone please tell me where to go for a website where I can have my own domain like www.scent-trecandles,com or something, where I can have links fir scents, colors, sesaonal candles, photos and etc... I also need paypal on it with UPS delivery. How do I do this. Where do I go for this?A friend of mine said she would do my site for me and I was going to pay her $100.00 to do it with 3 free candles, LOL.

Anyone know how to do this, do a website, graphics, HTML codes, links and such? Want a $100 and free candles for doing this for me? LOL

Love you guys

Six Things About ME

2008-11-03T20:37:00.002-05:00

Thanks to Brandi I was tagged to tell 6 things about me. I'm not exactly sure what to write in it but here goes.

1. My family means more to me than anything in the world but yet I still feel like I am not the greatest of Mom's around. I feel like I have to do more for them or something. The love for them is unique, like nothing I have ever felt before in my life.

2. My husband and I are complete opposites. I mean from drinks to food. I like Pepsi, he likes Mountain Dew, I love candy, he hates it, I hate death medal music, he loves it. The list can go on and on.

3. My favorite color is black and technically it is not a color but it is for now =)

4. I HATE shoes. I am serious. I despise shoes!! I refuse to buy shoes for me. I will go to my best friend's house and take her daughter's shoes before I buy them! I am a barefoot person.

5. People say to me I am too skinny. I HATE that! Skinny is such an awful word. I am THIN, not skinny. Skinny is like all bones and nothing else. I have meat, just not alot and now the meat is going to where I wanted it to go for a long time now, my boobs!!!!

6. I am a very cocky person and I love to argue with people, even if I am wrong, but I will laugh at it though to let the other person know I am kidding. I love to laugh!

Well there are my 6 things about me. Brandi already tagged everyone so there is noone I can tag!

Thanks Brandi!

Not So Bad Monday

2008-11-03T20:05:00.004-05:00

Well today was not such a bad day. It was a weird day actually. I had to call my company where I order from for my candles to add 3 more scents that I ran out of, I just caught it in time and it was shipped today but since tomorrow is a holiday there is no mail so I will get all my new scents on Wednesday. I will definitely let you know how they smell =)

I got up at 6:00 am with Jonny, cleaned the house, did the wash and by 11:00 I was in napping until 2:00 when my Uncle came to visit us. Spoke with him for while and than the kids got home from school and Alyssa and I went to the mall. We went everywhere trying to find SKINNY jeans for her so when she wears the boots the pants don't roll up and look stupid. I finally found a store. Aerocrombie for kids. SWEET I thought! They had her size which is a 12. Ok I am thinking, let's try them on and see how they look. They actually looked really good on her. How much are they I asked Alyssa? I am thinking like $35 ish.. Nope. $50... ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?! Well i paid the $50 for the jeans. her B-day party is this weekend so that is her gift. I was ready to have a heart attack and than I had to sit and think for when I was a kid her age. My Mom and Dad paid $50 for jeans too when I was once that young but we had stores like G&G, No-Name and things like that. Today is different. These stores are crazy. She wanted this hoody which I have to say was AWESOME... Guess how much!!! $99. Yea. I was like holy crap!!! I told her if these are the clothes you want to wear, you better start chores around the house and ask for them for Christmas because I don't have the money to buy clothes like that all the time. We have a hard time finding her clothes that fit because she is so tiny weight wise and short. So we had fun though. We got our pics done in one of those little photo thingies and you wait 1 minute and your photos come out. We had fun, we talked, we laughed and we ate at Subway. We split a a new sandwich called Chicken Pizziera. It was good. It was chicken with pepperoni, sauce and cheese. It was good. We had a one on one time with Mommy and Daughter time which we never have and it was sooo nice. She is such a sweet girl when she wants to be! She was THRILLED to death when I bought her these jeans though. The smile on her face was glowing which made me feel good and the best part of it all... I did it.. I DID IT with my own money that I earned and that feeling is good actually. It actually felt nice to spend my money that I knew was mine and not my parents money or Joe's money. Not that I wanna do this all the time but it was nice.

This weekend is the kids b-day party for all 3. Nothing big, ordering pizza, chips and etc... Not alot of people but just enough to have the kids happy. I am not sure how Jonny will react to it, I am sure he will be ok since he knows everyone that will be here anyway and it is supposed to be nice Saturday so maybe the kids can go outside and play or something.

Tomorrow the kids have off, I have some candles to make, not alot, only 3 but than on Wed when my scents come in, I have a few more to make of the new scents and I am lookimg forward to the lavender one and the lemongrass which is Yankee type.

It's now 8:30, Jonny is sleeping so I am going to play my game for awhile and go to bed since tomorrow will be a long day with all he kids home =( I think it is RIDICULOUS that the kids have off for Election Day, they can't vote anyway and people can vote when they get outta work!!

O.. I said enough for the night. Se you all later and hope everyone is doing well =)

Love,
Me

November Already!

2008-11-02T07:34:00.002-05:00

I cannot believe it is November already! Today is Sunday and I have alot to do around here. I have mega wash to do since all I have been doing is candles. I got 2 more orders to do and he Autism one still to do. I did start the Autism but my stupidity let the best get to me and I didn't the one layer dry long enough and it leaked so now I have to start that all over again. Uhhggg.. Just that one candle is 4 hours but in the middle of the layers i will clean, do wash and make other candles I need to make and when my recent order of scents come in I will make them too.

Saw V was good last night. It was an expecting thing I never thought would be so my whole reaction to the movie was... OH MY GOD! There was hardly any blood, guts or gore in it this time.

Do you know how much it costs to see a movie now? $10.25... Yes you heard right $10.25 a ticket. And than to boot, a SMALL soda is $4.50. Holy good lord! I am so glad I had a candle order or I would not have been able to go at all. Nae and I ate some chineese before the movie at the mall and that was $10.00 for me. She was just like.. Oh my god Theresa, I can't believe you ate all that! I said, I told you I eat like a pig, LOL.

So anyway, today is candles, wash out the wazoo, cleaning and getting ready for school for tomorrow. They have off Tuesday for Election day. YAY fro us parents!

Well it was nice to get out of the house for awhile anyway. I could not tell you the last time I was out of the house besides the food store runs.

I need to quit smoking, like seriously. I just can't do it cold turkey, I am moody enough as it is. The medication to help you quit is not covered by my insurance so it costs $115 a month. I think if Nae's Dad can quit on it than so can I. He did it for 6 weeks and it has been almost a year now since he quit and has no cravings or anything for it. He tells us now that we smells like cigarettes and we need to quit, LOL.

Ok... so I need to sart the wash now. Get back with you all later =)

XOXO
Tree

I Feel SO

2008-11-01T17:00:00.003-04:00

Bla today and for some reason cannot get motivated to do anything. Joe woke me up at 6:00 because Jonny was up since 3:00 am so I got up and made my orders for he candles I had and by 10:00 I was WIPED as could be. I am usually never like that. I went back to bed and Joe let me sleep until 1:00. OMG. I never do this. NEVER!!!! It is now 5:00 p.m. and I still feel like I can go back to sleep right on this chair I am sitting on. I drank 4 cups of coffee and that did not help either.

Nae and I are going to the movies at 7:40 to see Saw 5. I hope I am alert when that time comes. My Mom even vacuumed for me, did the dishes and all while I was sleeping. This is just not me.

I'll fill ya's in on how the movie was, I am a HUGE ass fan of the Saw movies and I even took a pic of a guy last night trick or treating because he was the JigSaw. I asked him if I could take the pic and post it online., he said yea cause no one knows who is under the costume anyway, LMAO.

Jigsaw is above, LOL

Interesting Halloween For Me

2008-10-31T23:58:00.003-04:00

Well I got up at 6:00 am starting making candles for more orders I got, than decided when the kids went off to school I was getting my hair cut. I kinda regret it now, I don't think it fits me at all and I think it aged me even more =( It's hair, it will grow but I don't think I am liking it =( Here is the the pic of the hair.

So that was that. I came home and gave an order to a customer... damn that sounds funny, LOL.

The kids got home from school and we got ready for Trick Or Treating. We had a blast and ofcourse Jonny did NOT like the makeup on Alyssa or Joey. He was deathly afraid to go near them and stayed in the other room. He jad a bad day in school that I decided to let him go, I can't hibernate him from everything. He had a meltdown in school because of the costumes so the teacher took him in the gym to play while the parade was going on.

Here's the pics of he kids. Jonny's pics look weird because he was holding his cd in front of his face but it was still so cute not to share. Alyssa was Linda Blair (The Exorcist) and Joey was a demon, LOL.

Hope you all had a terrific Halloweeen, we had a blast and loads of kit kats, YUMMY!!!

MY CANDLE BLOG

2008-10-31T20:47:00.001-04:00

http://scentrecandles.blogspot.com/

MY CANDLES

2008-10-30T16:05:00.001-04:00

I MADE A NEW BLOG FOR MY CANDLES, THE SCENTS AND PRICES AND ETC... COME AND FOLLOW ME AND MAYBE ONE DAY ORDER A CANDLE!

I AM STILL GOING TO USE TO THIS FOR PERSONAL ISSUES AND LIFE BUT THE OTHER ONE IS CANDLES ONLY =)

JUST WANTED TO LET YOU ALL KNOW WHAT I DID!

LOVE YA'S

I Need Some Ideas

2008-10-29T20:19:00.002-04:00

Ok so I am having a candle party Nov 6th at my cousin's house. My cousin has a baby with Down Syndrome so all the family and her friends support the foundation. My one idea was for everyone to put a their name in a hat and I will than pick out of the hat a name and whoever it is wins a Down Syndrome candle. My other idea for the party is a timer. Pass around a candle until the timer stops, when the timer than stops that person wins a candle of their choice that is at the party or if there is not a scent there they want I will make one for them the next day and deliver it to them.

I need some games idea here for the party to make it fun and not so bla and scenty, LOL. Come on guys, I know you guys can come up with some ideas for me, I never did this before so this is my first experience doing a demo myself and I never really went to them before because I was always broke and I hate to go to parties with no money =(

GIVE ME SOME IDEAS PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

First Day Of Snow

2008-10-28T20:09:00.002-04:00

Can you believe that it freaking snowed today?!?!?! Yes it did and not just small little snow flakes that lasted a minute. They were huge ass flakes and it lasted a good hour or so, it even was landing on the cars and grass. I could not believe this. I don't ever remember it snowing this early in October or even in October at all. I think this winter is going to be a bad one, kinda like 93'. Good Lord if I am stuck in this house with everyone 24/7 snowed in, I think I will go nuts!!

I went with my Mother in law to her settlement of her other house. It seemed like it took forever to get through. I still have mail going there because I actually forgot to do the change of address to my address here so I spoke to the new owner and he told me to come and get my mail whenever I want, it is ok. I have to go tomorrow to change the address though.

Halloween is Friday and I have yet to get the kids their costumes. Alyssa wants to be the Exorcist which is basically a white night gown with horror makeup on. Joey wants to be a devil which is a black cape and devil horns. Hope I can find this crap tomorrow. I am just not into Halloween this year, I don't know why. Jonny don't do Halloween at all. I have to keep him home on Friday from school because the costumes will flip him out.

Today was a very bad day for me. I don't know why but everything seemed to be going wrong or it is was just hectic as hell. I can pretty much guarantee that my Dr. is going to up my Klonopin or something because I am still a bitch for no reason. I mean I know why, happiness is just not there and there is so much going on at one time it is crazy.

Jonny has been having meltdowns like crazy in school and when he gets home is weirded out. He don't have meltdowns but he is wired and wants this and that and 1/2 the time I don't understand what the hell he is saying and than he gets frustrated and than I get frustrated and around a circle we go.

I am just about set for the candle party, I just have to think of some fun games to do at the party. I know I am going to have everyone put a number in a hat and whatever number I pull out wins the Down Syndrome candle. I also have a game where the candle gets passed around until the timer stops, when he timer stops on that person, they get a free candle of their choice of a candle that is there or I will make it for them after the party. I am pretty excited but nervous at the same time ya know. I need to think of fun things to do at this party. HELP ME OUT!!!!!!!!

Ok.. I am off for now. I think I am going to be early tonight so I can wake up tomorrow in a better mood o go shopping for costumes.

Love you guys!
MUAH

Candles In the works

2008-10-26T18:55:00.002-04:00

Here are a few pics that I have taken from my kitchen table. Candles that were made over the weekend and some that are still in the works of drying. All 3 of my orders I received are done, all I have to do is decorate the lids and I am ready to deliver which one is tomorrow, Thurs and Fri.

I broke my thermometer today so I had to get a new one and of course as I was there I bought more flowers for my lids for the candles. I just love to decorate the lids, I think they just make the candle so pretty!

Here ya go...

Candles in the works above!!!

As The Weekend Goes

2008-10-26T09:51:00.002-04:00

The weekend is going ok so far. It is Sunday morning right now, Phillies won last night (YAY PHILLIES)! I went to bed at 11:30 last night, for some reason I was just pooped and had to go to bed but when i went to bed I was watching Saturday Night Fever. I just LOVE that movie!

I went to Nae's house yesterday for her daughter's surprise b-day parry! I just missed Julie walking in the door by seconds. Damn it! I had called Vernae earlier that day to ask her if Julie sill played with baby dolls cause I seen this baby on sale for $40 and I had to get it. She did so I stopped on the way to her house and got the baby, the bag and a card and a bag of candy corn for her, lol. It was a nice party, the ice ream cake was really nice and it was good. Pizza was good too.

As I was at the party I was talking to Nae's Mom's best friend about the candles and showing her the Halloween kind I made Nae and a wickless one I made her. I put her on my site so she could see some of the pics and the scents I have. She ordered 2 16 oz candles and 2 5 oz candles I normally don't seel, they are fiven for free with teh 26 oz candles but I charged her $5.oo for 2 of them, so there is $40 for me, YAY! I am making them today so I will take pics later and show ya. I am also going to make other candles for the candle party as well too. I need to start these Down Syndrome candles, they take 4 hours to do and I need 8 of them now. HOLY YIKES!!!!! It's it for a good cause I and I feel good about myself that I am giving 25% away to that foundation for support for the children and adults who needs special things done.

So today is candle making day again. It is gorgeous out so I am hoping by at least 1:00 I can open my windows and get some fresh air. It has been freezing here lately but than again, anything under 75 degree to me is COLD as hell, LOL.

Pictures later to come!

Hope u are all doing well!

It's Friday

2008-10-24T19:05:00.002-04:00

Today is the 1st night of Saw 5. I want to go so bad but of course the money issue is a big problem. It totally sucks that Joe has this training for this job and they don't pay him, that just sucks! Alyssa wanted to go to the movies tonight with her friends to go see High School Musical 3 and I didn't even have money for her to go. I gave her my last $15 for her school trip next week to go rock climbing. It just sucks!

I went to the Dr's yesterday. My medications I was on was 1/2 mg of Klonopin 3 times a day, morning, afternoon and bedtime, 50 mg Remron at bedtime and 50 mg of Seraquil at bedtime. Well I was blowing up on everything going on and telling him I sleep well but during the day I feel like a raging freaking lunatic he up'd my medications to 1 mg of Klonopin 2 times a day, one in the morning and one at night, 50 mg of Remron and 100 mg of Seraquil. I took it last night and let me tell you, I was like high going to bed and I don't even remember hitting the pillow.

You know what I want that is virtually impossible. A HAPPY pill. I want to laugh again, I want to smile all day long and I want nothing to bother me anymore. I want to feel like I am high on life. I want to be at the store and I want people to say Oh my gosh look at her pretty smile and look how happy she is. I haven't been this way sine I can't tell you when.

Jonny is not doing good in school. His meltdowns are getting worst and worst. They are lasting longer now. In school noting can calm him down now and it is like 2 hours of meltdowns. I wish they would call me so I can go up there to help him but like they said, Mommy can't always be available to be there and he had to learn how to calm himself down. WHAT!!!!!!!!! You have Autism and cannot communicate and cannot talk or say what is bothering you or if you are not feeling well and can't say it, tell me how would you react?!?!?!? I get so angry!!!!

I feel so angry inside. I told the Dr I feel very angry and alone. I am married but yet I am alone. I have no one to tell my feelings to but the Dr who can side with me on saying it is Ok Theresa, what you are feeling is ok. I want to cry so bad but it won't come out. I want to Crochet a blanket but I don't want. Make sense? During the day when the kids get off to school I clean the house and play my game for a bit, make some candles and than I take a nap for awhile until the kids get home. I feel like sleeping my life away. Sleeping is the escape from reality I think. I don't wanna kill myself but I just feel bla all the time and I am sick of it to be honest with you. It's like nothing makes me happy anymore. Why do I feel like this? How can I stop from feeling like his? The Dr said give the medications some time to kick in and see what happens next month when I see him again. I feel like an asshole honestly for feeling like this. Things I want to make me happy I can't have which depresses me even more. It totally sucks.

Ok now that I have vented my feelings for now, this weekend is going to suck like usual. Vernae has a surprise b-day parry for her daughter tomorrow at 1:00 so I am going there but in the A.M. Joe as to help his brother move some shit out of the house. Than on Sunday ofcourse like ever freaking weekend I am stuck with the kids to do nothing. I have no money to even take them to McDonald's playland or something but than again Jonny can't be there anyway, he hates the loud noises from the kids and the games and so... who knows what I am going to do on Sunday. I can't make candles with Joe gone, Jonny is a handful and needs something like every 2 minutes and I cannot leave what I am doing with candles ya know. Maybe I will take the kids to the park and feed the ducks, Jonny was scared the 2st time I took him but the 2nd time I took him he just sat there and rocked saying "duck" "duck" "duck" so maybe I will do that if it is not that cold out. I can't stand the cold weather, it literally hurts my knees so bad that I could cry. Believe it or not the Endometriosis has gone down my legs and into my knees and that is why they hurt all the time and at this time I still refuse to get surgery that will take 10 hours to do. Not after what happened before, I am not ready to die yet or take the chance like last time.

Life is so freakimg grand!

GO Phillies

2008-10-23T10:26:00.002-04:00

Well they won their first game of the world series! I have to honestly say though, the Rays have an awesome pitcher! I asked myself last night I wonder if I could actually hit a fast pitch................ HELL NO!! HAHA! That guy can pitch... I can't remember his name but damn he is good! It was a hell of a nail biting game! I have to root for them, it's been since 93' that they were in the World Series. I hope they win it so my Father In Law (God rest his soul) can be one happy ass man in heaven!

GO PHILLIES!!!

I am so.....

2008-10-22T20:06:00.002-04:00

sick and tired of feeling like shit. No matter what I do to make myself feel better or do something to keep my mind off my sucky ass life, I still get down and out. The kids (Joey and Alyssa) had dental appt's tonight at 5:00 so ofcourse when we get there, there are atleast 30 kids running around like little apes with no parents correcting them and that pisses me off to no end. We got there at like 4:30 hoping the earlier the better... NOT! We didn't leave the dentist until 6:15. Joey had 3 fillings to get done and all 3 of them were cavities that were in between teeth so he needs to floss alittle better apparently. 2 were on one side and the other on the other side so his whole mouth was numb, LOL. Alyssa had 1 filling to get so that was not bad. just sitting there gave me a huge ass headache than I come home and my house is a shithole. Clothes still sitting on the couch, paper on the floor and bla bla bla. Do I expect Joe to mop for me or anything like that? Hell no. But when I am gone doing this u can atleast put clothes in the proper rooms, he don't even have to put them away, just put them in the rooms, damn! I am just edgy I guess with everything going on. I go to the Phycho Dr tomorrow so maybe he will help me out some before I fucking lose my mind!

WOW!

2008-10-22T09:48:00.002-04:00

My girlfriend just e-mailed me and told me she has 5 yes 5 jars that her Mom has from previous candles I made her (Strawberry) and she wants them all refilled with Strawberry, LOL. Cracks me up that all she wants is Strawberry. She said she just loves the Strawberry so much. The jars are being dropped off today so I am going to be busy today making special candles for the Down Syndrome and 5 Strawberry. Jonny's driver also ordered 2 candles yesterday, a 10 oz of Pumkin Spice and a 10 oz of Down April Fresh (smells just like it). Busy busy busy!!!

GO PHILLIES!!!!!!

LMAO.. Sorry Leslie.. I love you babes!!

World Series Starts Today!

2008-10-22T07:39:00.003-04:00

Wel l well well. Here we are at the World Series and the Phillies made it! This is an actual surprise to me to be honest with you but I was hoping they would since The Flyers are not going anywhere and the Sixer's suck and well everyone know how I feel about the Eagles (Beagles). I am not an all sports person but baseball for the Philles, hockey for the Flyers and Dallas Cowboys for football. (and they just lost their first game... or should I say they got slaughtered)

So let's see how tonight goes with the 1st game of the World Series!!

What is on my list for today? I don't know yet. I think I am making more candles and I have to make 5 Down Syndrome candles for the party November 6th. So.... one candle takes 4 hours to make so I guess I should start making them, lol. I have a candle lit now that I made as a tester and it smells so pretty! It's called Victorian Christmas/Rose. It smells so delicate and pretty!

Halloween is coming up and we have yet to buy their costumes. It's so hard with Joe not having a job that is paying him and I HATE to ask my parents for money so i will wait til the last minute. Jonny don't get dressed up so that is less one I have to get!

I am craving a banana split with orange sherbet. Yummy choc syrup, strawberries, pineaplles, crushed cherries, walnuts, banana's and tons of whip cream,! Man.. and it is literally freezing outside too!!!!

Ok... off for now. I need to drink another cup of coffee and go outside to smoke a quick ass smoke.

I hope you all have a wonderful day!!

The Other 2 Candles I forgot to put in, LOL

2008-10-21T18:54:00.002-04:00

Here are the other 2 I forgot to add in with my entry below. Let me know what u think and be honest please!!!!

Candles I Made Today And I am Pooped!

2008-10-21T18:37:00.003-04:00

Ok so as I said earlier I was making some candles today and my order I had for Jonny's driver. She loved the Pumpkin Spice candle I made so much that she ordered it and she LOVED the Bayberry so much that she ordered that too but not until next week. I will make them tomorrow with the rest of the candles I have to make for this candle party coming up soon. So cool huh! The Bayberry smells sooooo good let me tell you and yes, the Pumpkin Spice is also very nice and especially with a touch of vanilla in too, haha. I am sneaky, LOL.

The photos are above of wha I made today, the jar itself and than with the lids. I think the lids add just theright touch but I totally forgot to take the pics with the ribbons around the neck of the candle but you get the idea!

I am sooo tired. I had the cleaning and all done by 10:00 and I was still working on my labels for my candles when the kids got home from school. I made 3 candles for myself to test burn the double wicks and see how they burn before I sell them off ya know. I hate that black soot shit. I can see if there was a just a touch around the jar but not alot so now I am test burning the double ones with the new wicks I ordered and they seem to be GREAT!!!! I love it!

Here are the photos of the candles with the jar and than with the lids... Tell me what you think please... too much? Too whatever... let me know the truth and please don't be afraid to tell me, I want to know what you think as if u were going to buy it!!

Today is a new day

2008-10-21T08:06:00.002-04:00

I got up at 6:30 with both my boys, Alyssa slept over her friends house so they can go to McDonald's for breakfast, must be nice! I have an order to make for candles today and I think I am going to fool around a bit on the candles and do something creative, just not sure yet.

I see my Physcho Dr. on Thursday and he better increase my medications or change them cause it just ain't working. After what happened to me last year I swore I would never take Phycho meds again but apparently I need to take them cause my anxiety is thru the roof, heart palputations, feels like my chest is caving in and can't breathe, I shake and I hear echoes of everything and than I feel like I am going to throw the hell up. Anxiety, depression and panic attacks is apparently what I have. So this Dr better do something. I sleep good though thank god, it don't wake me up anymore so it is the day that bothers me.

Joe has class again today. He had a good day yesterday with the training. He needs this training to get a job. I've been living with him since May 24/7 and we are ready to KILL each other and I literally mean that! You just cannot live with a spouse 24/7, it's virtually impossible, to me anyway!

Jonny had a huge melt down in school yesterday and out came the water table again. Here it is, October, chilly and he is playing in water, LOL. They do at least fill the table with very warm water thank god. He is starting the sniffles but than again, Alyssa started that little cold last week. Lysol is good in this house.

I am going to start my cleaning, the wash is done, I did that last night so all I have is cleaning, mopping the floors and bathrooms to do and than my candles! YAY. I should be done everything by 12:00 and than I am off to take a nice ass nap!

I will show off some pics later of my creative candle I decide to make later and show you the candle of the order Jonny's driver wants with Vanilla on the bottom and peach on the top!

Hope you all have a wonderful day =)

XOXO

It's Monday Night Now

2008-10-20T23:44:00.004-04:00

The day was not too bad, I made some candles, a Strawberry one that smells sooooo damn good but i made it wick less so it is on a burner and my whole family room smells like a strawberry, LOL.

I got an order today for Roasted Chestnuts and she wants me to add some Vanilla to it, no prob! That is done. Now she wants a 1/2 Vanilla on the bottom and 1/2 peach on the top. Cool huh! I am making that tomorrow!

Tonight as I was playing my game I hear this really big loud ass thump. I go running always thinking of my Dad when it is late (my Dad is paralyzed from the waist down, got shot in the neck from Vietnam... which is why he lives me now so when this shit happens I am here or someone is here. Anyway, the loud thump was my Dad losing his balance and fell over the tub. There was no way I could do anything so I ran upstairs and got Joe and Joe helped my Dad in the tub to get a shower. I feel so bad and I know my Dad feels like shit hen that happens. I tell him all the time... this is why I wanted you and Mom to move in with us cause if u were at your own house who would have been there to help you!!!

Good Lord.. I just took my medications so I should be asleep within a 1/2 hour or at least I hope so!

Ok... Goodnight!

My Monday so far!

2008-10-20T11:59:00.000-04:00

Today started off like any other day, getting kids ready for school, making beds, cleaning and bla bla bla. I made a candle yesterday and wanted to test burn it to see how it would come out. It burnt all around and extinguished nicely too. Here's the pics above.

Joe started his training today. He is getting a job driving disabled children to school so he picks them up at their house and drops them off at school and than takes them home but he has 5 weeks of classes for CPR, First Aid, Seizure class and so forth. It's from 9:30 - 12:30 but it is 3 hours of myself time and I enjoyed it today. I made 3 candles today for me. I just can't help but want a different scent lit everyday, LOL.

Jonny has been having huge ass meltdowns lately and I know it is because of the sleeping again. When he first started this medicine (Clonidine 3 mg and 10 mg of Melatonin) it was great. he was sleeping through the night and not waking up until 7 or so in the morning. Now we are back in where he is up at 1:00 am, 3 am and by 5 am he is up for the day! When he first started these meds he had NO meltdowns and now he is. Coincidental?? I don't think so! The meltdowns happen in school too and last Friday he had a meltdown in school for almost 3 hours. They had to get out the water table and let him splash and play in order to calm him down because he throws, kicks, punches and slams himself to the ground. Poor thing. It's aweful!! I hate this. I know alot of the meltdowns are from no communication and he cannot tell us what he wants or what he is thinking. I know it has to be hard and I would have a meltdown too, it's just not knowing how to control the meltdowns and what to do when they occur. Jonny's behavioral therapist said he is going to get him an appt wth the Phych Dr to see if ther eis a medicine he can go on for the day and change the meds at night. Clondine is a blood pressure medicine but alot of kids are on it to help them stay asleep. Not my kid.. well for awhile it did but now... HA!

So now it is lunch time and I am going to eat lunch and chill out. I might even take a nap. This weekend was not one of the best I have had so I need to chill out and relax... this is the best time to do it, no kids, Joe is at training and my parents are playing their online game!

Maybe I will write later on!!

This is all new to me

2008-10-19T11:40:00.000-04:00

This is something new to me. I needed a jounal to write in, a journal to write my thoughts in and things I am thinking and things I wonder about. Actually it is a fact that writing your thoughts and all are a part of therapy for depression and anxiety. I guess I will find out soon.

There is alot going on in my life right now and alot of it I love and alot of it I am so confused over. I am currently starting my own candle business, basic jar candles at the moment but I specialize in Autism candles, Down Syndrome and Pediatric Stroke Awareness candles. It is alot of fun to do but it is really timing consuming. I love it but it is alot trying to make candles, getting the website going, advertising them and all.

The pic above is Down Syndrome candle I made. My cousin has a baby that is 2 years old, the sixe of a 9 month old and cute as hell but has Down Syndrome. It takes 4 hours to make but I think it is worth it because it has so much love and meaning behind it.

A friend of mine from Myspace has been helping m with hints on how to get the air bubbles out of the candles and such things like that so that is greatly appreciated to the fullest. Little secrets shared are awesome!

Above as well is the Pediatric Stroke Awareness candle that I made for my cousin who has a child who had a stroke when she was still in the womb at 9 months. Poor thing. I feel bad for these children and that is why I am making these kinds of candles, they have alot meaning and love behind them and not only that but 25% of my specialized candles go to that foundation for support and to help find a cure!

If at anytime you want one made for someone special let me know, I can make it! I am going to make alot of different ones like Breast Cancer and such so I will post them as I make them!

Ok... I have wash and things to do, I figured I would write a blog for the first time here and be back later about how my life sucks and maybe someone can give me some advice!!

~Theresa