Friday, October 31, 2008

Interesting Halloween For Me

Well I got up at 6:00 am starting making candles for more orders I got, than decided when the kids went off to school I was getting my hair cut. I kinda regret it now, I don't think it fits me at all and I think it aged me even more =( It's hair, it will grow but I don't think I am liking it =( Here is the the pic of the hair.

So that was that. I came home and gave an order to a customer... damn that sounds funny, LOL.

The kids got home from school and we got ready for Trick Or Treating. We had a blast and ofcourse Jonny did NOT like the makeup on Alyssa or Joey. He was deathly afraid to go near them and stayed in the other room. He jad a bad day in school that I decided to let him go, I can't hibernate him from everything. He had a meltdown in school because of the costumes so the teacher took him in the gym to play while the parade was going on.

Here's the pics of he kids. Jonny's pics look weird because he was holding his cd in front of his face but it was still so cute not to share. Alyssa was Linda Blair (The Exorcist) and Joey was a demon, LOL.

Hope you all had a terrific Halloweeen, we had a blast and loads of kit kats, YUMMY!!!


Thursday, October 30, 2008






Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I Need Some Ideas

Ok so I am having a candle party Nov 6th at my cousin's house. My cousin has a baby with Down Syndrome so all the family and her friends support the foundation. My one idea was for everyone to put a their name in a hat and I will than pick out of the hat a name and whoever it is wins a Down Syndrome candle. My other idea for the party is a timer. Pass around a candle until the timer stops, when the timer than stops that person wins a candle of their choice that is at the party or if there is not a scent there they want I will make one for them the next day and deliver it to them.

I need some games idea here for the party to make it fun and not so bla and scenty, LOL. Come on guys, I know you guys can come up with some ideas for me, I never did this before so this is my first experience doing a demo myself and I never really went to them before because I was always broke and I hate to go to parties with no money =(


Tuesday, October 28, 2008

First Day Of Snow

Can you believe that it freaking snowed today?!?!?! Yes it did and not just small little snow flakes that lasted a minute. They were huge ass flakes and it lasted a good hour or so, it even was landing on the cars and grass. I could not believe this. I don't ever remember it snowing this early in October or even in October at all. I think this winter is going to be a bad one, kinda like 93'. Good Lord if I am stuck in this house with everyone 24/7 snowed in, I think I will go nuts!!

I went with my Mother in law to her settlement of her other house. It seemed like it took forever to get through. I still have mail going there because I actually forgot to do the change of address to my address here so I spoke to the new owner and he told me to come and get my mail whenever I want, it is ok. I have to go tomorrow to change the address though.

Halloween is Friday and I have yet to get the kids their costumes. Alyssa wants to be the Exorcist which is basically a white night gown with horror makeup on. Joey wants to be a devil which is a black cape and devil horns. Hope I can find this crap tomorrow. I am just not into Halloween this year, I don't know why. Jonny don't do Halloween at all. I have to keep him home on Friday from school because the costumes will flip him out.

Today was a very bad day for me. I don't know why but everything seemed to be going wrong or it is was just hectic as hell. I can pretty much guarantee that my Dr. is going to up my Klonopin or something because I am still a bitch for no reason. I mean I know why, happiness is just not there and there is so much going on at one time it is crazy.

Jonny has been having meltdowns like crazy in school and when he gets home is weirded out. He don't have meltdowns but he is wired and wants this and that and 1/2 the time I don't understand what the hell he is saying and than he gets frustrated and than I get frustrated and around a circle we go.

I am just about set for the candle party, I just have to think of some fun games to do at the party. I know I am going to have everyone put a number in a hat and whatever number I pull out wins the Down Syndrome candle. I also have a game where the candle gets passed around until the timer stops, when he timer stops on that person, they get a free candle of their choice of a candle that is there or I will make it for them after the party. I am pretty excited but nervous at the same time ya know. I need to think of fun things to do at this party. HELP ME OUT!!!!!!!!

Ok.. I am off for now. I think I am going to be early tonight so I can wake up tomorrow in a better mood o go shopping for costumes.

Love you guys!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Candles In the works

Here are a few pics that I have taken from my kitchen table. Candles that were made over the weekend and some that are still in the works of drying. All 3 of my orders I received are done, all I have to do is decorate the lids and I am ready to deliver which one is tomorrow, Thurs and Fri.

I broke my thermometer today so I had to get a new one and of course as I was there I bought more flowers for my lids for the candles. I just love to decorate the lids, I think they just make the candle so pretty!

Here ya go...

Candles in the works above!!!

As The Weekend Goes

The weekend is going ok so far. It is Sunday morning right now, Phillies won last night (YAY PHILLIES)! I went to bed at 11:30 last night, for some reason I was just pooped and had to go to bed but when i went to bed I was watching Saturday Night Fever. I just LOVE that movie!

I went to Nae's house yesterday for her daughter's surprise b-day parry! I just missed Julie walking in the door by seconds. Damn it! I had called Vernae earlier that day to ask her if Julie sill played with baby dolls cause I seen this baby on sale for $40 and I had to get it. She did so I stopped on the way to her house and got the baby, the bag and a card and a bag of candy corn for her, lol. It was a nice party, the ice ream cake was really nice and it was good. Pizza was good too.

As I was at the party I was talking to Nae's Mom's best friend about the candles and showing her the Halloween kind I made Nae and a wickless one I made her. I put her on my site so she could see some of the pics and the scents I have. She ordered 2 16 oz candles and 2 5 oz candles I normally don't seel, they are fiven for free with teh 26 oz candles but I charged her $5.oo for 2 of them, so there is $40 for me, YAY! I am making them today so I will take pics later and show ya. I am also going to make other candles for the candle party as well too. I need to start these Down Syndrome candles, they take 4 hours to do and I need 8 of them now. HOLY YIKES!!!!! It's it for a good cause I and I feel good about myself that I am giving 25% away to that foundation for support for the children and adults who needs special things done.

So today is candle making day again. It is gorgeous out so I am hoping by at least 1:00 I can open my windows and get some fresh air. It has been freezing here lately but than again, anything under 75 degree to me is COLD as hell, LOL.

Pictures later to come!

Hope u are all doing well!

Friday, October 24, 2008

It's Friday

Today is the 1st night of Saw 5. I want to go so bad but of course the money issue is a big problem. It totally sucks that Joe has this training for this job and they don't pay him, that just sucks! Alyssa wanted to go to the movies tonight with her friends to go see High School Musical 3 and I didn't even have money for her to go. I gave her my last $15 for her school trip next week to go rock climbing. It just sucks!

I went to the Dr's yesterday. My medications I was on was 1/2 mg of Klonopin 3 times a day, morning, afternoon and bedtime, 50 mg Remron at bedtime and 50 mg of Seraquil at bedtime. Well I was blowing up on everything going on and telling him I sleep well but during the day I feel like a raging freaking lunatic he up'd my medications to 1 mg of Klonopin 2 times a day, one in the morning and one at night, 50 mg of Remron and 100 mg of Seraquil. I took it last night and let me tell you, I was like high going to bed and I don't even remember hitting the pillow.

You know what I want that is virtually impossible. A HAPPY pill. I want to laugh again, I want to smile all day long and I want nothing to bother me anymore. I want to feel like I am high on life. I want to be at the store and I want people to say Oh my gosh look at her pretty smile and look how happy she is. I haven't been this way sine I can't tell you when.

Jonny is not doing good in school. His meltdowns are getting worst and worst. They are lasting longer now. In school noting can calm him down now and it is like 2 hours of meltdowns. I wish they would call me so I can go up there to help him but like they said, Mommy can't always be available to be there and he had to learn how to calm himself down. WHAT!!!!!!!!! You have Autism and cannot communicate and cannot talk or say what is bothering you or if you are not feeling well and can't say it, tell me how would you react?!?!?!? I get so angry!!!!

I feel so angry inside. I told the Dr I feel very angry and alone. I am married but yet I am alone. I have no one to tell my feelings to but the Dr who can side with me on saying it is Ok Theresa, what you are feeling is ok. I want to cry so bad but it won't come out. I want to Crochet a blanket but I don't want. Make sense? During the day when the kids get off to school I clean the house and play my game for a bit, make some candles and than I take a nap for awhile until the kids get home. I feel like sleeping my life away. Sleeping is the escape from reality I think. I don't wanna kill myself but I just feel bla all the time and I am sick of it to be honest with you. It's like nothing makes me happy anymore. Why do I feel like this? How can I stop from feeling like his? The Dr said give the medications some time to kick in and see what happens next month when I see him again. I feel like an asshole honestly for feeling like this. Things I want to make me happy I can't have which depresses me even more. It totally sucks.

Ok now that I have vented my feelings for now, this weekend is going to suck like usual. Vernae has a surprise b-day parry for her daughter tomorrow at 1:00 so I am going there but in the A.M. Joe as to help his brother move some shit out of the house. Than on Sunday ofcourse like ever freaking weekend I am stuck with the kids to do nothing. I have no money to even take them to McDonald's playland or something but than again Jonny can't be there anyway, he hates the loud noises from the kids and the games and so... who knows what I am going to do on Sunday. I can't make candles with Joe gone, Jonny is a handful and needs something like every 2 minutes and I cannot leave what I am doing with candles ya know. Maybe I will take the kids to the park and feed the ducks, Jonny was scared the 2st time I took him but the 2nd time I took him he just sat there and rocked saying "duck" "duck" "duck" so maybe I will do that if it is not that cold out. I can't stand the cold weather, it literally hurts my knees so bad that I could cry. Believe it or not the Endometriosis has gone down my legs and into my knees and that is why they hurt all the time and at this time I still refuse to get surgery that will take 10 hours to do. Not after what happened before, I am not ready to die yet or take the chance like last time.

Life is so freakimg grand!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

GO Phillies

Well they won their first game of the world series! I have to honestly say though, the Rays have an awesome pitcher! I asked myself last night I wonder if I could actually hit a fast pitch................ HELL NO!! HAHA! That guy can pitch... I can't remember his name but damn he is good! It was a hell of a nail biting game! I have to root for them, it's been since 93' that they were in the World Series. I hope they win it so my Father In Law (God rest his soul) can be one happy ass man in heaven!


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I am so.....

sick and tired of feeling like shit. No matter what I do to make myself feel better or do something to keep my mind off my sucky ass life, I still get down and out. The kids (Joey and Alyssa) had dental appt's tonight at 5:00 so ofcourse when we get there, there are atleast 30 kids running around like little apes with no parents correcting them and that pisses me off to no end. We got there at like 4:30 hoping the earlier the better... NOT! We didn't leave the dentist until 6:15. Joey had 3 fillings to get done and all 3 of them were cavities that were in between teeth so he needs to floss alittle better apparently. 2 were on one side and the other on the other side so his whole mouth was numb, LOL. Alyssa had 1 filling to get so that was not bad. just sitting there gave me a huge ass headache than I come home and my house is a shithole. Clothes still sitting on the couch, paper on the floor and bla bla bla. Do I expect Joe to mop for me or anything like that? Hell no. But when I am gone doing this u can atleast put clothes in the proper rooms, he don't even have to put them away, just put them in the rooms, damn! I am just edgy I guess with everything going on. I go to the Phycho Dr tomorrow so maybe he will help me out some before I fucking lose my mind!


My girlfriend just e-mailed me and told me she has 5 yes 5 jars that her Mom has from previous candles I made her (Strawberry) and she wants them all refilled with Strawberry, LOL. Cracks me up that all she wants is Strawberry. She said she just loves the Strawberry so much. The jars are being dropped off today so I am going to be busy today making special candles for the Down Syndrome and 5 Strawberry. Jonny's driver also ordered 2 candles yesterday, a 10 oz of Pumkin Spice and a 10 oz of Down April Fresh (smells just like it). Busy busy busy!!!


LMAO.. Sorry Leslie.. I love you babes!!

World Series Starts Today!

Wel l well well. Here we are at the World Series and the Phillies made it! This is an actual surprise to me to be honest with you but I was hoping they would since The Flyers are not going anywhere and the Sixer's suck and well everyone know how I feel about the Eagles (Beagles). I am not an all sports person but baseball for the Philles, hockey for the Flyers and Dallas Cowboys for football. (and they just lost their first game... or should I say they got slaughtered)

So let's see how tonight goes with the 1st game of the World Series!!

What is on my list for today? I don't know yet. I think I am making more candles and I have to make 5 Down Syndrome candles for the party November 6th. So.... one candle takes 4 hours to make so I guess I should start making them, lol. I have a candle lit now that I made as a tester and it smells so pretty! It's called Victorian Christmas/Rose. It smells so delicate and pretty!

Halloween is coming up and we have yet to buy their costumes. It's so hard with Joe not having a job that is paying him and I HATE to ask my parents for money so i will wait til the last minute. Jonny don't get dressed up so that is less one I have to get!

I am craving a banana split with orange sherbet. Yummy choc syrup, strawberries, pineaplles, crushed cherries, walnuts, banana's and tons of whip cream,! Man.. and it is literally freezing outside too!!!!

Ok... off for now. I need to drink another cup of coffee and go outside to smoke a quick ass smoke.

I hope you all have a wonderful day!!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Other 2 Candles I forgot to put in, LOL

Here are the other 2 I forgot to add in with my entry below. Let me know what u think and be honest please!!!!

Candles I Made Today And I am Pooped!

Ok so as I said earlier I was making some candles today and my order I had for Jonny's driver. She loved the Pumpkin Spice candle I made so much that she ordered it and she LOVED the Bayberry so much that she ordered that too but not until next week. I will make them tomorrow with the rest of the candles I have to make for this candle party coming up soon. So cool huh! The Bayberry smells sooooo good let me tell you and yes, the Pumpkin Spice is also very nice and especially with a touch of vanilla in too, haha. I am sneaky, LOL.

The photos are above of wha I made today, the jar itself and than with the lids. I think the lids add just theright touch but I totally forgot to take the pics with the ribbons around the neck of the candle but you get the idea!

I am sooo tired. I had the cleaning and all done by 10:00 and I was still working on my labels for my candles when the kids got home from school. I made 3 candles for myself to test burn the double wicks and see how they burn before I sell them off ya know. I hate that black soot shit. I can see if there was a just a touch around the jar but not alot so now I am test burning the double ones with the new wicks I ordered and they seem to be GREAT!!!! I love it!

Here are the photos of the candles with the jar and than with the lids... Tell me what you think please... too much? Too whatever... let me know the truth and please don't be afraid to tell me, I want to know what you think as if u were going to buy it!!

Today is a new day

I got up at 6:30 with both my boys, Alyssa slept over her friends house so they can go to McDonald's for breakfast, must be nice! I have an order to make for candles today and I think I am going to fool around a bit on the candles and do something creative, just not sure yet.

I see my Physcho Dr. on Thursday and he better increase my medications or change them cause it just ain't working. After what happened to me last year I swore I would never take Phycho meds again but apparently I need to take them cause my anxiety is thru the roof, heart palputations, feels like my chest is caving in and can't breathe, I shake and I hear echoes of everything and than I feel like I am going to throw the hell up. Anxiety, depression and panic attacks is apparently what I have. So this Dr better do something. I sleep good though thank god, it don't wake me up anymore so it is the day that bothers me.

Joe has class again today. He had a good day yesterday with the training. He needs this training to get a job. I've been living with him since May 24/7 and we are ready to KILL each other and I literally mean that! You just cannot live with a spouse 24/7, it's virtually impossible, to me anyway!

Jonny had a huge melt down in school yesterday and out came the water table again. Here it is, October, chilly and he is playing in water, LOL. They do at least fill the table with very warm water thank god. He is starting the sniffles but than again, Alyssa started that little cold last week. Lysol is good in this house.

I am going to start my cleaning, the wash is done, I did that last night so all I have is cleaning, mopping the floors and bathrooms to do and than my candles! YAY. I should be done everything by 12:00 and than I am off to take a nice ass nap!

I will show off some pics later of my creative candle I decide to make later and show you the candle of the order Jonny's driver wants with Vanilla on the bottom and peach on the top!

Hope you all have a wonderful day =)


Monday, October 20, 2008

It's Monday Night Now

The day was not too bad, I made some candles, a Strawberry one that smells sooooo damn good but i made it wick less so it is on a burner and my whole family room smells like a strawberry, LOL.

I got an order today for Roasted Chestnuts and she wants me to add some Vanilla to it, no prob! That is done. Now she wants a 1/2 Vanilla on the bottom and 1/2 peach on the top. Cool huh! I am making that tomorrow!

Tonight as I was playing my game I hear this really big loud ass thump. I go running always thinking of my Dad when it is late (my Dad is paralyzed from the waist down, got shot in the neck from Vietnam... which is why he lives me now so when this shit happens I am here or someone is here. Anyway, the loud thump was my Dad losing his balance and fell over the tub. There was no way I could do anything so I ran upstairs and got Joe and Joe helped my Dad in the tub to get a shower. I feel so bad and I know my Dad feels like shit hen that happens. I tell him all the time... this is why I wanted you and Mom to move in with us cause if u were at your own house who would have been there to help you!!!

Good Lord.. I just took my medications so I should be asleep within a 1/2 hour or at least I hope so!

Ok... Goodnight!

My Monday so far!

Today started off like any other day, getting kids ready for school, making beds, cleaning and bla bla bla. I made a candle yesterday and wanted to test burn it to see how it would come out. It burnt all around and extinguished nicely too. Here's the pics above.

Joe started his training today. He is getting a job driving disabled children to school so he picks them up at their house and drops them off at school and than takes them home but he has 5 weeks of classes for CPR, First Aid, Seizure class and so forth. It's from 9:30 - 12:30 but it is 3 hours of myself time and I enjoyed it today. I made 3 candles today for me. I just can't help but want a different scent lit everyday, LOL.

Jonny has been having huge ass meltdowns lately and I know it is because of the sleeping again. When he first started this medicine (Clonidine 3 mg and 10 mg of Melatonin) it was great. he was sleeping through the night and not waking up until 7 or so in the morning. Now we are back in where he is up at 1:00 am, 3 am and by 5 am he is up for the day! When he first started these meds he had NO meltdowns and now he is. Coincidental?? I don't think so! The meltdowns happen in school too and last Friday he had a meltdown in school for almost 3 hours. They had to get out the water table and let him splash and play in order to calm him down because he throws, kicks, punches and slams himself to the ground. Poor thing. It's aweful!! I hate this. I know alot of the meltdowns are from no communication and he cannot tell us what he wants or what he is thinking. I know it has to be hard and I would have a meltdown too, it's just not knowing how to control the meltdowns and what to do when they occur. Jonny's behavioral therapist said he is going to get him an appt wth the Phych Dr to see if ther eis a medicine he can go on for the day and change the meds at night. Clondine is a blood pressure medicine but alot of kids are on it to help them stay asleep. Not my kid.. well for awhile it did but now... HA!

So now it is lunch time and I am going to eat lunch and chill out. I might even take a nap. This weekend was not one of the best I have had so I need to chill out and relax... this is the best time to do it, no kids, Joe is at training and my parents are playing their online game!

Maybe I will write later on!!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

This is all new to me

This is something new to me. I needed a jounal to write in, a journal to write my thoughts in and things I am thinking and things I wonder about. Actually it is a fact that writing your thoughts and all are a part of therapy for depression and anxiety. I guess I will find out soon.

There is alot going on in my life right now and alot of it I love and alot of it I am so confused over. I am currently starting my own candle business, basic jar candles at the moment but I specialize in Autism candles, Down Syndrome and Pediatric Stroke Awareness candles. It is alot of fun to do but it is really timing consuming. I love it but it is alot trying to make candles, getting the website going, advertising them and all.

The pic above is Down Syndrome candle I made. My cousin has a baby that is 2 years old, the sixe of a 9 month old and cute as hell but has Down Syndrome. It takes 4 hours to make but I think it is worth it because it has so much love and meaning behind it.

A friend of mine from Myspace has been helping m with hints on how to get the air bubbles out of the candles and such things like that so that is greatly appreciated to the fullest. Little secrets shared are awesome!

Above as well is the Pediatric Stroke Awareness candle that I made for my cousin who has a child who had a stroke when she was still in the womb at 9 months. Poor thing. I feel bad for these children and that is why I am making these kinds of candles, they have alot meaning and love behind them and not only that but 25% of my specialized candles go to that foundation for support and to help find a cure!
If at anytime you want one made for someone special let me know, I can make it! I am going to make alot of different ones like Breast Cancer and such so I will post them as I make them!
Ok... I have wash and things to do, I figured I would write a blog for the first time here and be back later about how my life sucks and maybe someone can give me some advice!!