Why Me?

To make a long story short, my Mother and I went to Walmart and got Joey and Alyssa new winter coats last month. The one I got Alyssa was too small so when I went to get nother there was none so I picked out this pretty pink, brown coat. Alyssa hated it and said it was for the younger kids, not kids her age. (How well I remembe doing this too). So whatever, the coat just hung in the closet and she wears these heavy hoodies to school. No biggie to me.

I went shopping as I said in my previous post about Black Friday. I did buy Alyssa the coat she wanted. I couldn't resist. It was an $80 coat on sale for $40. Come on now, you can't beat that! It is those coats the kids wear with the fur around the hood and fur inside and it comes just to waist line. All black. I loved it! If I had the extra money I would have gotten myself one! Anyway, with that being said I also got her 2 pairs of boots one pair was $20 and the 2nd pair was $10, how can u resist that too? These are boots she wanted! Than I went into Aeropostal and bought her a t-shirt for $10. Holy shit now, $80.00 on 4 things she wanted for Christmas, I was proud of myself that I got great bargains.

I get home and show my parents and Joe what I got. My Mom turns around to me and says I can't believe you went and bought her that coat! She has one in the closet that she refuses to wear. Hmm exactly! I said I got her what she wanted for Christmas. Yea, this is my money from my candles but atleast I started to shop since this year is going to be tightwith Joe not getting paid yet. Better get them while they are on sale right!?!?!

Saturday morning, early afternoon my Mother decides to say to me, "I have some things I want to say to you but I don't know how to go about it. I said Like what Mom? Than she went off saying I should have never bought the jacket for her. Than it was, I never talk to her. What? Well when I lived upstate we would be on the phone for like 2 hours rambling about this and that. I said well Mom, you live here now, you see what is going on, I tell everyone how Jon does in school, their report cards and what not, what is there to say to you. You live here, you see it all. Conversations are limited now because you live here and see and hear everything. I live in a bubble she says. I go around cleaning, doing what I need to do and don't say anything to anyone. I say good morning and I kiss them both goodnight and tell them I love them. What the hell more do you want from me? She had me so upset I was crying. Why can't you just leave me alone I said. I don't bother anyone and when it comes to my kids, they are mine, butt out! You tell Alyssa she is grounded the next day and when the next day comes you let her go. Well I am sorry, it was something stupid and it is my kid anyway, why does this bother you?

The festivities of Christmas is very hard but I love it at the same time. My brother's death anniversary is Dec 12th and my father is law is not here either, that is still fresh. My son Jonathonbothers me becuse Santa is coming and he has no clue as to who Santa is, ask for things he wants, look forward to gifts under the tree, the movies on tv that we wtch. All this gets to me and I tend to want to be alone and be left alone. My son't sutism in itlsef depresses me so bad. I know there is nothing I can do about it but it depresses me so bad, espceically when it is this time of year. Some people can take it better than others. My husband Joe takes this all better than I do. Yea it bothers him to pieces too but he handles it beter than me.

So now because I bought my dughter a jacket for Christmas I am getting ignored which honestly I would rather it be that way anyway, friction is just rediculous and her not talking to me is like her bein a hypacrit isn't it? I don't know, maybe it me but joe stayed upstairs and listened to the whole thing of my Mom yelling at me and me screaming at her and I even yelled at my Dad too. I am sick and tired of people getting on me when I do nothing wrong. My Mother in law came over to see what was goin on, she thought maybe Joe and I were fighting. She went upstairs to Joe and they both listened to both my parent bash me for shopping and living in the bubble I supposably live in.

Freaking family screws me over more than my friends do and to me that is horrible. I trust noone in my family except one Uncke andone Aunt, that is it! I seriously have noone to talk to about my problems or my depression besides my mother in law who nderstands how I feel and comforts me it the way of me feeling like I am not going crazy, that thisis normal for me to feel this way and it is ok to just do what I want and not talk to anyone if I don't want to. It is not like I am inoring them, there is ust nothin to talk about because we all live here in the same house.

Alyssa will try and do anything she can to get out of the house. She cannot stand my Mother. She said she loved her when we would go visit them upstate but now that they live with us she said her Grandmother is another person she don't like. So she will try and sleep over her friends house as often as possible and I can't blame her really. My Mom is cool when she wants to be but she is so old school it is not funny. So since yesterday after this arguement over a f*ucking jacket and me being a bubble I have been ignored! How nice huh!!!

Joe says she likes to cause drama and I am starting to believe this myself. I just don't kno wwhat to do expcept pray that thwir inlaw suite gets up FAST!